I Wish My Special Needs Stepchild Didn’t Exist

No filter. No sugarcoating. I wish my special-needs step child, now 18, didn’t exist. Sometimes I wonder if she died if I would even feel bad...horrible, but true. When I met my husband, we didn’t know the extent of her intellectual disabilities. Everyone just said she was a slow learner. Well, at a 45 IQ, I think that’s more significant than a “slow learner.”

She’s not unruly or a brat. She doesn’t do much much of anything. She just parrots things she hears other people say and stares off a lot. It sucks that this is the lot life has handed her, but I just wish I wasn’t tied up in her life....for the rest of my husband’s life. Cuz when he’s gone, im OUT. I hate that I have to fake it all the time about her. I have to fake that I like her, fake nice with her mom, fake talking sweet about her to my own child, fake being the nice stepmom.

Nobody would ever know that I feel this way, because I put on a fantastic front. I buy all the gifts, send all the flowers, send cards and goodies for each and every holiday throughout the year, have my kid draw her pictures and like all of her mom‘s Facebook posts of her.

Thankfully, she lives across the country so we only see her a few times a year, and it is absolutely painful and miserable the entire time. I can’t wait to send her home with her mother. Every time she’s with us, she shit in her pants and guess who gets to clean it up? I’m so very thankful that my child does not have any special needs because I don’t think I would be able to handle it.

I also think, what if her mother died? We would probably have to take care of her and there is no way in hell that she would live in our house. I would have to leave my husband if he insisted on it because I have realized, very clearly, that I am not a well-developed soul on this planet. Mother Theresa, I am not! Her mother is vehemently against a group home, but that is exactly where she would be going.

And the icing on top of this shit cake is that we have to pay $1500 a month in child support, which likely will go on for the rest of her life. I really thought that once she turned 18, that would be the end of it, but because she has special needs, parents are legally obligated to continue supporting their children unless they are destitute or dead.

I fucking HATE that this child support money, that could go to a college fund for my child, is going to continue supporting this stepchild that is just living on this planet to contribute what? To do what? So her mom can dress her up in cute clothes like an Ambercrombie & Fitch mannequin and post her pics on FB? I’m so horrible, but what is her earthly purpose that we have to pay for until my husband croaks??

I wish he had never slept with his ex and created this life-long financial burden. If they disappeared forever it would be a dream come true.

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