I think my life has been sabotaged

I don't know exactly how else to put this, but I think my parents sabotaged my life and I don't know how to fix it. I'm nineteen, now, and will be turning twenty in three months, but I feel like I'm waaay behind where I'm supposed to be. It all started the summer before I entered third grade, when my parents became religious anti-vaxxer nuts. They'd always been heavily into Christianity, speaking in tongues, living in their closets to pray and fast for days and raisingy siblings and i to strictly follow the Bible, but that summer they became conspiracy theorists and decided to "homeschool" all of us as well. The problem withy parents homeschooling me abd my siblings is that they hardly ever taught us ANYTHING. They pretty much just kept us at home to clean the house everyday, read the Bible, and watch videos of fetuses getting aborted so we (especially me, being that I was the oldest daughter who my dad decided he would raise to be the shining beacon of purity, so I was supposed to be the role model fir my other sisters)would never have s** before marriage. I used to be an excellent student when I went to public school being that I was studious and well mannered, the teachers were planning to send me to tye gifted program once I entered third grade, but that never happened due to being homeschooled. My mom was a huge b**** growing up, too, abd would keep popping out babies because of some "family prophecy" about us becoming a mighty army of God. She also told us that the reason SHE doesn't have to do any housework is because she has eleven children to do it for her. Anytime my mom didn't get yet way, she called me s***/w****, and would sic my dad onto me and my siblings. Once he beat all of us with a pvc pipe because my mom lied ajd told him we weren't mopping the floors. Another time, I got so fed up with her being mean that I yelled back at her and she backhanded me four times across my face that the lower half of my face felt like it would tear off (my jaw still gets stiff and pops to this day, because of that). Then she lied to my dad when he came home and told him that I told her to "Blow herself". Throughout my childhood, my parents told me that I wasn't allowed to flirt, date, move out, have s**, or go to college until I was married and that I couldn't get married until I knew how to cook, clean, sew, and mind children. I taught myself how to do ALL of these things INCLUDING garden and crochet, and now my dad moved the goalposts again saying that I need to learn to manage finances, have good credit, hace my own business, know self defense, how to sharpen swords and knives, make bullets, know how to make soap and medicine, weave baskets, make my own yarn and thread and weave my own fabric, hasic house and car repairs, take a barber class, etc. (My dad wrote all of this out on a list, and none of what I'm saying is hyperbole). My parents became so nutty that all of our extended family ostracized us after I entered fifty grade, and my aunt who still did occasionally associate herself with us passed away when I was thirteen, so now I know NO ONE outside of my immediate family, being that I haven't had a friend or been allowed to make any friends since the last time I was in public school. All of my clothes are ugly square shaped ankle length dresses fringe along the border with boots, abd a nun-style head veil. I've never worn or been allowed to wear makeup, nail polish, or tinted Chapstick in my life and I feel so ugly. My dad doesn't let me sit in the front porch alone without him or my mom because he thinks a man will try to talk to me and I'll stray from God. Sometimes I can't even be in the backyard because our neighbors are bachelor's and sometimes they're out drinking beer in their yard. My parents get mad at each other backa lot and instead of
talking to each other about it, they vent all of their problems out to me; my dad even accidentally referred to me by my mom's name once, and seceral times referred to me as his woman (and tyen tried to play it off as meaning "one of his adult daughters). It's weird as f***, especially since his newest favorite saying is "you are not your own". My parents never taught me how to drive, and I wasn't even allowed to have a job until just this year after I promised my dad that I wouldn't let any boys talk to me. After that I got a full-time job working as a stocker-girl at Wal-Mart, but all of my money went to groceries and bills, and spotting my parents and older brotger money when they asked for it, so I have no money. This April, my mom wanted me to pick up an second job, for more money, and she kept pestering me about applications multiple times a day. I finally asked her to mind her business and then went upstairs to do laundry. My dad followed me upstairs, pushed me on a my baby sister's bed where I hit my head, and then beat me until I screamed, bled, had bruises and welts for months from my arms and waist in down, and he and my mom joke about it lightheartedly now, as if it's some necessary evil they had to do to lay their hands on me. Last month my parents told me to quit my job at Walmart because they started a business so I don't have to leave the house anymore. I wanna go to college so badly, but I'm not married or "elligible" for marriage yet, abd I can't just run away, because I have no savings, I don't know how to drive, and I can't get a scholarship because I'm too stupid, now and can't afford a tutor. I'm currently trying to study, but catching up is really hard for me (I'm not giving up, though) abd I don't know how to fix any of it.

Sep 15, 2018

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  • This is called religious abuse. Im not opposed to biblical teaching mind you. But i think they are letting fear dictate their behavior. While i understand and see the storm clouds coming. I dont have a clue when the storm will hit. People arnt being taught the skills to survive if shtf. My advice is to learn to drive and the other things u feel u need. Try to find some help in ur family. If they see it they may be able to help. Yes u could just leave and move. But id advise not to cut all ties. Plus try to control ur youthful rebelliousness. It sounds like u do that already. But keep it in check. If u read this and want to talk email is acecable8 at g mail

  • Hi there that post dissaperd. i will get her nude as im given her a bath. her name is sasha...

  • Both of you nude that will be good no clothes to worry about getting wet.

  • Can you talk please...

  • I have PT soon will let you know when I am back.

  • No worries and thank you...

  • I am back from PT and I am nude once again.

  • My moms clean up so like what f****** ever so like

  • Sasha are you nude right now?

  • No and who f****** told you my name

  • Take your clothes off now.

  • I dont f*** have too got that and how dare my c*** face mom tell you my name

  • Take them off now shall I get mom to to strip you?
    You are going to stay nude until Monday got that.

  • What stop this at once im meet my friend tomoro and never told my c*** face mom or dad are you f****** kid me here go f*** your self not doing it

  • You want be to f*** you again?

  • I never ever said that and you cant be for real got me you have too be f*** mess with me what about my plans

  • Take your clothes off now and bring them to your mom.

  • Please im sorry please im beg you please i dont want too this is not fare mom says you can come around is she fuvk lye or what


  • Stop please you make me angry and cry please please i dont want to im beg please i will say f*** sorry

  • Get nude now and bring clothes to mom do it now.

  • Im sorry please i will please dont tell my mom i was curse please

  • Are you nude now?

  • Mom says i have say sorry and im soo sorry i want too see my friends tomoro plrase im sorry

  • Answer me are you naked now?

  • I hope everything is ok with you...

  • Amanda I was very ill yesterday had the runs and just plain lousy. I am better now and things are looking up.

  • Sorry you were not feeling well rich. our daughter has being so bold since. as she was cheeky with you last time. so when you never responded. she cursed us out and said you will do f all and worse too us...

  • She sounds like she is on something and really not like herself. She calling you a c*** face and such. I reminded her she has one also.

  • She has a foul mouth at times. you realy seemed too have did something amazeing last time with her. i will get her now if thats ok. i have as said allready told her if she does not behave herself then you will be over personaly too spank her. off corse she does not know you wont and thank you...

  • Go get sasha and have a few words.

  • Ye what the f*** do you wont mr d*** head ha

  • Wow you have a filthy stinky mouth full of garbage.
    Take all of your clothes off now. I will need your mom to get some soap for your dirty mouth.

  • And how the f*** do you no my s*** mom anyway she must think im dumb like her because she said you will come over

  • Get ready get those clothes off now or I will rip them off for you.

  • My c*** face mom is cleaning up and my p**** face dad is gone out for a while and so i do what i like i can ha

  • I should come over in a awhile rip your clothes off and get some soap for your mouth. Then I am going to spread your legs apart and spank your c*** ten spanks.

  • Wait what did you just f****** say is my mom not f*** lie and you would actualy come over here my mom said you dont live far i hope your mess with me and besides i would bite and scrach you ha

  • You can bite me and scratch me if you could I am military training and your clothes will not last on you a minute. I think I will enjoy ripping your clothes off and spreading your legs to spank your c***.

  • Can you f****** please tell me your f****** messing here

  • I am serious I am going to look for my keys to the mini van now.

  • Wait dont then please please im sorry and i mean it and will you not tell my moms mom i was curseing please

  • Get your clothes off right now and give your clothes to mom this instant.

  • Please please please im f*** sorry i said and please dont tell my mom

  • Please please dont i f*** even saod im sorry please im beg you please

  • Did you get your clothes off now? Then get them off now.

  • Please please im beg you and if i say no

  • You better be nude now. I think I know where I left my keys. You better be nude by the time I get back here.

  • This is so f****** unfair you no im take them off now are you going too tell my mom i cursed please please im beg you dont

  • Open your legs and find your c*** at the top of your slit and rub it for a few minutes.

  • Im not f*** doing that no damm f****** way

  • Do it now you want me to come over soon and watch you do it in person?

  • No please please dont and will i call my mom

  • Call your mom I want her to see you do it now.

  • Its not f*** fair i get her now are you go tell her i was curseing

  • You are not obeying me what I tell you to do. I think I am going to drive over now.

  • Hi rich and i have sasha in front off me. i have her looking at screen now. can you please tell me if she listend too you or did she not...

  • Is she nude now and her legs spread and she is rubbing her c***?

  • Are you there rich and i have sent my daughter off for soap...

  • Yes she sure does not want to obey at all.

  • Shes got soap in her mouth now rich. i will strip her now and spank her. you suggest any other discipline on top...

  • She is to rub her c*** and put a finger in her p****.

  • Are you there rich...

  • Finally able to get through sorry for the big delay amanda..

  • Thats fine rich. i will put her on to you tomorrow. she was acting up again beleving you would not do anything...

  • She did not get her clothes off on her own did she or anything else?
    I forget about the five hour difference than me.

  • It all went a bit haywire sorry. i will put hrr on tomorrow again if thats ok. and she is fast assleep....

  • Am I right that you reside not to far from me?

  • Correct rich and did you say you live in the states. she is certainly pushiny my husbands and my buttons. she turned quite quick when you said you were looking for your keys and on way over...

  • I am going to edit my question just in case she looks at it.

  • Thank you and good thinking. she is very bright in alot off ways as you may have picked up on. she seemed too be at loss for words when you said you were looking for your keys. she does not know how to take you and its good...

  • She really gets upset when I ask her to take off her clothes and then the cussing begins.

  • The threat off a spanking sets her off. or even any boundaries. she is starting too beleave i think you will come over...

  • Sorry that I am keeping you up talk tomorrow.

  • Your fine and my husband said thank you. we will talk tomorrow and good night rich...

  • Goodnight amanda and anthony.

  • You free too talk rich...

  • Amanda I am here now.

  • Hi rich and hope your well. we are up the walls with her here. she called us names i shall not repeat. also called you and us liers and now is testing too see if you will come over. im going too sit her down now xx

  • Sasha get your clothes off now.

  • Ha ha go f*** a pig because your a pig ha ha

  • You know I should go over and f*** you right now I will grab my keys.

  • Now you listen too me im the boss of my dumb mom. and dad ha ha

  • I dont no what you mean by that but stop being a p**** face you prob live miles away p**** face ha ha because you say this and that ha i do my own f****** thing you got that

  • F*** means I will put my p**** in your p**** got that and I will f*** you.

  • I will kick you in the b**** ha

  • Mr you dont get to f****** tell me what to do you p**** face and just because mom and dad are useless b****** ha ha go f*** a pig ha ha

  • You better be nude by the time I get there or I will rip your clothes off and f*** you.

  • Then what country do i live in so smart a*** ha

  • You live in England.

  • Yes i did not f****** think so p**** ha ha

  • It is almost 4 pm

  • Holy s*** and my f****** mom says you dont live far from our house

  • So get nude now.

  • Make a f*** deal i say sorry and that be that

  • What the f*** do you for real no were we live

  • Let me grab my keys and I will be on my way> I need to put some clothes on.

  • Thats a deal sorry that is that now deal

  • Hay wait a minute ok we make a deal i say sorry and that is that

  • What kind of deal do you want to make?

  • And dont tell my mom i cursed deal

  • Please please please deal

  • I did it i say sorry and thats that

  • Just saying sorry did you take your clothes off?

  • Tanks deal done

  • No clothes stay on and i say sorry ok deal for you and me deal

  • Say sorry and clothes off now. I will ask your mom if you obeyed.

  • Tanks clothes stay on im sorry deal deal deal and dont tell my mom and now my dads here just tell them i was very good deal tanks

  • Clothes off now and say you are sorry that is the deal.

  • Hi rich and maybe get back when you can and thank you. my husband and i are not happy with our daughter xx

  • I told her to get nude she did not. She did say sorry though.
    The deal was get nude and say sorry. She said sorry but no clothes off.

  • She must think we were born yesterday. she told us she only talked with you and did not curse. she also never mentiond remvoeing her clothes. do you beleave we should spank her and get my husband do it also. she is fidgeting here and knows shes being cought out. im going too tell her you can see her. she has a blue skirt on and blue top. im going too her you will be looking at her being spanked xx

  • She needs to take them off.

  • My mom and dad are here im reealy sorry do i have to get spanked

  • Take your blue top and blue skirt off now.

  • Hay what the h*** and how you see

  • Just take them off now and spread your legs apart.

  • My mom and dad make do what you say i have them off but please leave panties on please and can you see

  • Take your panties off now.And spread your legs and put your finger on your c******* which is at the top of your slit.

  • I will and please im sorry please

  • Now rub your c*** for ten minutes. It is fine to moan if you want to.

  • Shes on here too you now xx

  • Please please deal my mom and dad came in and said whats going on and i told them im good deal

  • Are you nude?

  • Im reealy sorry and my mom says you can see me please please im sorry mom and dad said im to say sorry for curse and not listen to you

  • Please please please im beg you my dad is home and tell them i was good please

  • Please please leave clothes on im beg you and why you want talj with my mom its cool

  • Morning rich and hope your day goes well for you and yours. our daughter sasha is just awake and allready has a bit off attitude and cursed at my husband twice. i will get her brekfast and give her chance too wake up. but could be in for a long day and my husband says hi again xx

  • Good night rich xx

  • I am waiting for her to comply.

  • Mr my mom said too say sorrry and now im reealy sorry why did you tell her i cursed for she put soap in my mouth and spanked me for f*** ages like

  • I stripped her now and am going too spank her first...

  • Sorry rich and i have her in front off me. she never told me you asked her too remove her clothes and i clearly see she used foul lanuage towards you. she lied too me and you mentiond soap also....

  • I got her for f*** sake relax and my mom wants talk too you now please please dont tell her

  • Hmm.

  • Get lost you piece off s*** and what the f*** you go too do about it p**** face ha

  • I am coming over and I am going to rip your clothes off of you.

  • Wait just a f****** minute ok you wont dare do that you got that now mr

  • It will be a pleasure to rip your clothes off and spank your c***.

  • I have her here now rich and thanks. she is in a foul humar. i told her you will be over if she does not change her tune...

  • Ye an i hate yous

  • Hay mr what you want now for f*** sake

  • Sounds good and i had hassle with her. she would not get into bath or even come on here. i told her if she did not then you would be over thanks and she will be on now....

  • She is now and thrown a fit. i told her after her bath. im putting you on too her...

  • Convince your parents that it's best for everyone if you continue working at the store. Save as much money as you can, and have an escape plan.

    Consider going to the authorities. If you run away, you'll be leaving your siblings to suffer at the hands of your parents, and you can't do that.

    Work on building your upper body strength (callisthenics or weight training) so you can defend yourself against either of your parents, but do it in secret.

    You are mentally strong, stronger than you probably realise. You will survive this.

    Good luck

  • In the Grand scheme of things it matters not. Submit and obey. Do what you are told. Do it with a smile.

  • Submit and obey

  • Learn to write in paragraphs.

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