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Someone's Been Eating My Sandwiches
And it ain't ** Goldie Locks. I work at a machine shop and I work nights. So I make a big zip lock bag of sandwiches to eat over several days and keep them in our lunchroom fridge. This past week I went to market and got expensive honey ham, and New York style deli cheese with a wonderful spicy deli mustard. On my favorite fresh baked bread I get special. They are so yummy and look forward to eating while I'm working nights. I made a total of twelve sandwiches should easily last the week. I had one Monday night and two of them Tuesday night. Well I go in Wednesday night go to the fridge and there is an empty bag in the fridge. I mean what ** eats other peoples food anyway then leaves the empty bag. Inside the bag was a note that said I enjoyed your sandwiches please make some more. I was like a bull seeing red. Boy was I hot. So I talked to a few of the guys and one of them told me he had seen one of the supervisors on day shift eating one of my sandwiches. I had to think of something to do to teach this ** a lesson.
So I figured I would buy some turkey and cheese and the yummy bread again. Then I put on a pair of latex gloves went outside and picked up a few dog turds our dog did earlier that day. I went outside to the patio and I started putting together sandwiches. First I took the dog turds and wiped one side of each piece of bread with the **. Then a squirt of mayo over the **. I spread it with a plastic knife and tossed the knife when finished. Then I put on the turkey with a slice of cheese followed by a piece of lettuce and finished assembling the sandwiches and placing them nice and neatly in the zip lock bag. Twelve just like before. Then I put a note in the bag that read. Please don't eat my sandwiches. I also made myself one sandwich each night making them up fresh and taking with me. I placed the bagging of twelve sandwiches into the fridge of our employee lunch room. As I would go to get my lunch each evening I noticed how the bag of twelve sandwiches was disappearing very quickly from one night to the next. As I grabbed my single sandwich from the fridge I had a huge smile on my face. And I repeated to myself, " well my conscience is clear cause I warned you, you ** ** not to eat them". Funny thing is not sure what happened but I was told the lunchroom fridge bandit stopped eating everyone else's food. Gee I hope they didn't get sick or anything, LOL.
Good for you!!
I would not have stopped at dogshit. Some could have that particular condiment, sure. Then some could have Ex-Lax instead... maybe some bodily fluids especially if I'm feeling poorly.
I'm sick of humanity. People are going to start getting back the disregard or hostility they love to give out, in forms of my own choosing. Paybacks are about to start happening. I no longer care about repercussions.