This past summer I turned 40 and recently I have had a past experience come back to bite me. I think probably most guys and probably some girls even have asked their significant other about past indiscretions and sexual history, When my husband asks I have always told him that there was nothing too wild in my past other than things he has been witness to (the odd girl kiss or flashing) which may not be totally true but I feel my past is my past and should be left in the past.
I'm married and have children, I have a job and a wonderful life and although I don't regret too many things I don't like to talk about my...history or things I have done that are of a sexual nature, I had one such experience if you will that if I could I would wipe it from the pages of history and not because I regret doing it but because it has resurfaced and is ruining my life.
I started college late (20) and until college had only been with one guy and in college I may have had my wild times but in my final year met my husband and calmed down a little, First year I bounced around a little and had been with more guys than I care to mention, Second year had a steady boyfriend for most of the year and one experience with him and his room mate, Third year we split over summer and I met a new guy early in the year and by the end of that year was when I made this decision that has come back to haunt me.
a couple weeks ago I was contacted by one of my old college room mates whom I don't really talk to anymore or have much more than social media contact with, She informed me that her and her husband had recently split and apparently he is a very vindictive individual, She told me she had been forwarded a link from a friend of hers who had been told by her husband who is friends with this girls now ex husband and this link is to a video I was unaware even existed.
We had been sharing a residence in college as I said and one evening when it was just me and her and our, Then boyfriends we decided to try some stuff which is very inhibition reducing and led to a group session in her bedroom, I had no clue her then boyfriend had set up a camera before convincing us to join them in her room, I was hit like a freight train by this news and actually ended up hanging up on her but called her back because I needed to get more information, She forwarded me the link which contained a bunch of very shocking diary entries her ex had apparently posted along with this video.
When I say shocking diary entries I mean that it divulged some feelings she had apparently been having toward me over a six month period before this night and a one year period after, I was extremely weirded out over some of the stuff she had in there about watching me undress and having solo sessions while listening to me and my boyfriend or while looking at pictures of me scantily clad or flashing and about the few times we shared a bed after drinking she had apparently touched me which I was unaware of but since it only mentions first names and her ex obviously had no idea what my maiden name was because he had made a post trying to tell as much as possible about the story but never mentioned my last name or maiden name.
I remember that she was always undressing in front of me or trying to get me to try on clothes with her and often would come sit in the bathroom and talk to while I showered which I sluffed off at the time but apparently she quite enjoyed the fact that we had see through shower doors.
Anyway...If it had just been that...Other than the fact she would touch me while I was asleep which is disturbing but...If it had just been that I could have moved on and put it in the back of my mind but then there was the video, A camera had been set up on her dresser covered with a towel but her boyfriend had made sure we were doing stuff in view of the camera, Of course there is a lot of nudity but it carried into me and her while they watched then they joined, we swapped and I remember they kept pushing for us to keep going, To keep doing more, To do things I am not comfortable having on camera and definitely not comfortable with other people seeing.
I am sure my boyfriend was in on it because you can see him look at the camera multiple times but not much I can do about that since he passed away six years ago in a car accident but both guys would keep pushing us to be with each other and since she apparently had been wanting this for some time she was right into it which only left me and at the time I was maybe a bit more impressionable than I am now.
This whole video consisted of two and a half hours of repeated switching back and forth, The two of them taking a turn with each of us at the same time, The two of us taking turns with each of them at the same time, A lot of me and her "Performing" for the two of them as they watched and touched and joined in. For the most part her boyfriend had set it up so we were right in front of the camera and you can see both of our faces multiple times doing things no proper girl should be doing with each other, If it was just with the guys I could justify that as college shenanigans...Maybe a bit of extreme shenanigans but there are a lot of things in there that I have told my husband...And pretty much everyone I have ever had any conversation with about that kind of stuff (Girls talk when we drink) had never happened.
There are scenes of me and her both performing on each other, Multiple scenes of me with both guys and I don't remember this but so many...Finishing scenes which I am not proud of, Scenes of things being stuck where they are not allowed to be stuck now and just overall dirty, Dirty stuff, God that night was apparently so much dirtier than I remember, I am so ashamed of the stuff we did and even though I have had the video removed I am not stupid, I know that once it is posted it is out there, Someone, somewhere has saved or shared or sent that to multiple places I will never know about.
I was forced to sit down with my husband and tell him the truth since even though I don't think he watches a lot of that stuff I do know that he has watched it in the past and probably still does from time to time but also he knows a LOT of people and if anyone ever comes across it I would be devastated to have him know that I was aware of it and had not told him. His reaction kind of surprised me, He told me he understood why I had basically lied about it and was very calm and relaxed about it, He did ask if he could see the video which I told him I had it removed from the only source I was aware of it existing.
I just hope and pray that it was only in one place and will never resurface, She has assured me that the copy she has was destroyed and also that she had destroyed her diaries so...at least there is that.