Abuse (I didn't do the abusing)

My mother moved out of her home and I was helping clean it up after she left. Yesterday I was alone looking for keepsakes that she may have overlooked.

I found a blue binder and started thumbing through it. I started reading a letter to her father who died maybe 19 or 20 years ago. It started out innocently enough aside from describing the desire to chop him into little pieces in the very beginning. It went on to talk about innocent childhood memories. The next paragraph went on to say that she's tried and tried to figure out "why you started to hurt me". She doesn't go into graphic detail of what he does but she gets the point across. Then she says, "Then comes one of my worst memories. I do remember the stuff with the dog dad. I wish I didn't but I do. I mostly remember you laughing. My body can't handle even thinking about it." In the letter she did describe confronting him about it face to face. I wonder if she ever did or if she at least forwarded him the letter.

On some other paper she describes how her earliest memories are of her mother beating her while she's sitting on the toilet and some other details that are probably too vulgar for this site.

Years ago I also came across a letter forgiving her brother for what he did when they were kids as well.

She helped care for them both until their deaths. She'd even described some of the abuse to me but of course not in the depth that I read. I don't see how she even bothered to spend any time with them at all in adulthood. I'd have let them rot in their old age. With those abusive histories, I'm shocked she allowed my brother and I to stay with them a week at a time sometimes. Nothing ever happened to me thankfully. Never heard anything of the sort from my brother either.

What the f*** is wrong with people? You never really know anyone. There are great people out there, but you never know who the truly sick people are.

In the same letter to her father, mom describes how she hated sitting next to him in church as a girl. Her parents were Catholics. I wonder if he ever went to confession for his misdeeds. If so the priest probably just masturbated to it later (she also told me that priest that married her to my father was the same one that touched her inappropriately once as a little girl. She said she realized it many years later). This is one of the many reasons I could never be a religious man among many other logical arguments. How could such a great God allow such things to happen to a little girl or anyone for that matter? I'd rather hang with Satan. I've never heard of Satanists molesting children after all but I know nothing of Satanists.


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  • I systematically worked on my wife. She was 18 when we got together and I was 28. Both of us and her family a part of the church so it was expected that she should submit and obey her husband. I made her wear short skirts which at 19 and 20 was not to unusual. I started to make her ask permission for me and we discussed the need for the wife to be submissive and that there was a cost to being submissive. That she needed to obey me. I began to spank her both as punishment and also just for my enjoyment and for her to demonstrate her submission.

    I used to love it when one of her girlfriends would comment on the shortness of her skirt and she would say that that was what I her husband wanted. Other ladies in the church would tell her she was so good to obey her husband but that I should not be requiring her to dress this way. I remember when one day, against my wishes, she bought a pair of jeans and wore them to morning tea with some of her girlfriends. They convinced her to go buy a skirt and to bring the jeans to me and confess that she had gone against my wishes.

  • I'm so sorry your mother endured that, and am glad for your sake that she had the strength to not pass it down to the next generation. That takes more self-monitoring than you could possibly know, and nobody ever recognizes that.

    People are constantly mystified by the fact that others "seem" so "nice", yet there's obviously so. much. ugliness in this world. That's because most of us are very good at pretending to be what we're not. We're so good at it that forthright people (or those just really bad at hiding their $hit) are seen as the bad guys, while "pillars of the community" constantly get away with ungodly acts because they're so practiced at presenting pleasant facades.

    Humans will never learn to look under the surface or truly listen. Ever.

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