When I was about 13, I met my best friend Col's cousin who had a similar birth date to me. When she had her birthday party, she invited me. I was the only non-family boy who came and I felt really privileged.
She was so beautiful and easy to talk to that I felt I was in love - I knew she liked me so she was all I could think of. Her family were really messed up - I suspect her father was hot for her.
My best friend's older brother Rob, was regularly having s** with his step-mother so it was all very different to what I thought was normal.
One day she came to my house and asked if I would go to a new home building estate with her. No reason, we used to go there and get into and play in houses at the lock up stage.
On this particular day she was really quiet and different but heh, sometimes everyone has those days.
When we arrived, my best friend was already there but so was his older brother and five of his friends. Jenny* seemed to know why she was there and went and sat with some of the guys in longer grass. I thought I knew what was likely to happen because she was getting all hot and steamy with Rob. Very quickly he was groping her b****** and had his hand up her dress.
All his mates were standing back watching and Col told me I could go and watch too (I didn't).
Then Rob pulled Jenny to her feet and they went into the closest house through a temporary door.
As soon as they were inside, Col told me to follow him and we climbed under the house. Where the bath was, the floor boards had been cut away and we could see everything happening without us being seen (I thought).
Lying on the bare floor, they were already f******. Jenny who had her dress hitched up to her waist looked sideways straight at me and extended her arm to under the bath and gestured to me to hold her hand. I was by myself - Col had gone - and as Rob kept thrusting, Jenny squeezed my hand firmly. It was really strange and sad I thought.
When Rob finished, one of his friends came in and took over. Jenny just kept glancing at me looking so sad or embarassed. Almost the whole time, she kept her arm extended to under the bath and we held hands. After Rob and his four friends, to my shock, Col came in did and the same to her - Jenny, his cousin.
When he finished, she glanced at me and slightly pulled my hand, I think to invite me to be next but I was disgusted with what had happened to her and didn't want to be as bad as the others. I shook my head (I think she saw me) and I crawled back outside. When I went around the front, all the guys including Col were waiting. Except Rob and Jenny - he'd gone back for more.
After they came out, all of them, including Col, departed. Jen and I sat on the front porch and we both cried for a long, long time. I walked her home and we didn't mention one word of it. In fact, I don't know if we even talked.
After that, I only saw her a couple more times when I was out and about - she moved a month or so later. Col mentioned it once, that if I wanted, he could arrange just her and me but I just felt too sad for her.
I don't think of her for years at a time but when I do, it's all so vivid. I met Col at a school reunion once and wanted to ask after her but somehow it made me feel ugly to have remembered it and so we just talked about 'the good old days.