Not sure what to do

I am a physically emotional person. To me, holding hands, kissing, touching, having s**, etc... is an expression of my “love language.” anyways, my wife and I have been married for about 4 years now and we hardly have s** anymore. I’m 28 years old and im thinking to myself, am I gonna have to accept this for the rest of my life and constantly beg and plea with my wife to give me s** or do I need to pull the plug and file for divorce. When we were dating, s** was always happening, all the time. After we had a child, things instantly changed. I completely understand woman need time to recover from child birth so I wasn’t asking for s** immediately after my kid was born. I hate asking for s** now because I know what the answer is going to be. It’s going to be no, 99% of the time. I know there are a lot of other men that deal with this issue. My wife wonders why I don’t ask for s** anymore. I told her it was because I hate getting rejected all the time. I’m starting to really resent my wife. She hasn’t given me a bj in 2 years.... I’m really trying to figure out if divorce shouls actually happen. Thank you all for reading this.

Dec 8, 2019

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  • This happens the other way around too. Go ahead and start up with the "then he ain't a real man" or "bullshit" or whatever, I know what I'm living. He misled me by acting more affectionate than he really was early on, but now that the honeymoon period is over he's not fronting anymore. So it's not only about the woman not wanting to be intimate after having a baby-- this issue can have physical, emotional, even spiritual roots. In this case it's depression. Big deal, I have toys and will find me some understanding side action if I get too itchy.

  • I've been stuck in the same trap for many years. On the one hand you want to be honest and true. On the other hand you're going to be stuck with a sexless marriage and feel disappointed and angry the rest of your life. Priority 1 is now the child and that is a priority for both of you. I'd considered an honest talk with her about meeting her marital obligation, including a hormone check and possible counseling. She'll let the problem simmer and become the new normal if you don't. Us older guys might also say to get out while the getting is good. Perhaps looking at shared custody, less money, and all the hassles that go with divorce will shake her out of the doldrums. Above all love and support the child.

  • Your story is common but guys are embarrassed to discuss. You try everything to convince her and get a million excuses. Forty years of marriage and six kids taught me a similar lesson. That's why my last 20 years include discreet visits to massage parlors and out of town escorts at least once a month. It is mentally refreshing and keeps me being a good husband, father/grandfather. I'm very safe about it and don't feel guilty. I'm also generous to the ladies I visit, express very simple needs and offer them human respect and thanks. Seems to work for everyone!

  • I don’t think I could ever do something like that. I feel like that would be considered cheating. I’m too honest with my wife to ever have something on side like that. I feel like i have to accept that this just how it is going to be. As much as I feel ignored and constantly let down because of it, I’m willing to wait and see if our sexual intimacy changes over time.

  • Good on ya! Disregard humblebragger up there who obviously is very proud of his weenie, but remember to find an alternative way of dealing with your own needs. Creeping resentment is an ugly thing, and it can sneak into the healthiest marriages.

  • A marriage promise unfulfilled is a form of cheating too. Your problem is not unique. She has a moral obligation to at least try to fulfill your sexuality. Instead she knows you have to stick around and be her provider or be smacked with divorce and child support. I'll bet she wouldn't agree to counseling about the issue either. I'm not critical, just been there and I wish you happiness in the future.

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