I'm jealous of people that are in awful situations and hate it

I (17) am jealous of other people that are in really bad situations (e.g. relatives died, suicidal, disabled) because i want the attention and pity they get from others. When I was 14, I heard that a schoolmate of mine was in a car crash, and that both of his sisters died. When I saw the attention and love he got from everyone else, I wished it had happened to me instead. Its gotten to the point that I'm not sure if the bad things in my life are really bad, or if I'm just making them up because I want the attention. Whenever I'm alone, all I can think about is the fact that I'm a stupid attention seeking brat that hates himself. I even got jealous at the fact that my friends house almost burned down in the bushfires ravaging the country right now. I hate this. I hate that I do this. I hate myself. I'm not even sure if THIS is genuine or just made up for attention. F***, you tell me. I don't know whats real in my head anymore.

Jan 2, 2020

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  • I am like you too.
    When #metoo happened I used to fantasise about being one of the women who were abused.
    When I was a kid I was fascinated when I heard that one of my friends were punished or forced to do something. Like my parents seem to never have any restrictions or rules and I was never punished or anything. I used to be jealous when one of my friends was grounded or spanked or made to wear a party dress or some other hideous outfit.

  • Drama and attention are more important than literally anything to a... certain kind of mind. Let's just leave it at that.

  • 'Mind' is a bit of a stretch as a descriptor,that denotes intelligence

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