I'm jealous of people that are in awful situations and hate it
I (17) am jealous of other people that are in really bad situations (e.g. relatives died, suicidal, disabled) because i want the attention and pity they get from others. When I was 14, I heard that a schoolmate of mine was in a car crash, and that both of his sisters died. When I saw the attention and love he got from everyone else, I wished it had happened to me instead. Its gotten to the point that I'm not sure if the bad things in my life are really bad, or if I'm just making them up because I want the attention. Whenever I'm alone, all I can think about is the fact that I'm a stupid attention seeking brat that hates himself. I even got jealous at the fact that my friends house almost burned down in the bushfires ravaging the country right now. I hate this. I hate that I do this. I hate myself. I'm not even sure if THIS is genuine or just made up for attention. F***, you tell me. I don't know whats real in my head anymore.