I'm in love with my best friend

My best friend is also an ex-girlfriend, though we didn't date for very long. We had a brief, passionate fling after a prolonged mutual crush, then decided to be friends. At the time, we both felt it was better that way. Our feelings for one another got very intense very quickly and I think it frightened both of us, and I don't think either of us was ready for it. This was a little over 10 years ago. Since then, we've each married other people and stayed close friends, to the point where we were in each other's weddings.

The thing is, I never stopped loving her. My feelings would wax and wane over time, but they never went away. And now... Now I can't stop thinking about her. I've been stuck in this stupid lockdown and unable to see her. We text and chat, but I really can't wait to see her. I want to tell her that I'm still in love with her, that I fantasize about her, that I wish we could both leave our spouses and be together, that I want to have children with her...

I won't tell her any of that, of course. That would be incredibly unfair to her, her husband, and my wife. I won't hurt three people just to make myself feel better. Besides, what could come of it? Either she feels the same way and we split with our spouses and hurt them both, or she doesn't feel the same way, things get weird, and I lose a friend.

So I won't tell her, but I'll tell all of you.

My best friend is beautiful, smart, funny, talented, and kind. I love her so much. I am deeply, completely, hopelessly, madly in love with her.

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