The reason why I'm always inside my locked room.
I'm literally crying rn. This is very normal for me, I cry almost every night and it's very depressing... No one knows I'm like this, every morning (when I used to go to school) I was all bubbly and happy. But inside, I'm kinda sad.
Ik people will say, “it's normal for teenagers to feel like this” but is it normal that I constantly fight with my family every day, avoid conversations with them, completely avoid my dad and we Barely talk? Yes, maybe it's my teenage hormones and all S**** but..... I kinda hoped my family was more understanding.....
I come from a strict family, they do not let me go out hangout with my friends, constantly take devices from me if I do anything wrong, used to hit me but now it doesn't happen anymore, call me a brat and with all obnoxious names, always make me look bad in front of my brother when they literally won't listen to my point of view. Maybe all of the brown households are like this but I can sense how toxic my relationship with my parents have become.
Both of my parents are doctors, they worked their butt off to become successful. I wasn't planned so when I was born they still were interns. They barely spend time with me when I was young. My mom is a government doctor so she was always far away from me from the age of 3 months. My dad did night shifts and barely came home. Yes I'm grateful for what they did, it was only for me and I totally appreciate it but have they ever thought how I'd feel growing up without them?
I grew up with my grandparents and aunt and God knows how much thankful I'm to them. Honestly I'm not comfortable with my mom but I am comfortable with my grandmother and aunt. I feel like because of my mum's job I grew up alone with my grandparents and this is why I ended up being an antisocial... Idk.. But I kinda think this. I was with my grandparents for about 7 years (until my brother was born). For those 7 years I pretty much grew up in isolation. I had almost 0 friends, used to get bullied at school and became really antisocial. I have 0 social skills.
After my brother was born it wasn't like before..my parents were making loads of money and they were spending time with my brother (when I totally spent my whole childhood with my parents) and maybe because of this my brother have a very strong bond with my mother. On the other hand, I avoid her cuz we never talk normally. Ngl.. I'm kinda jealous of my brother...
I feel so sad how my parents literally don't know anything about my personal life. They don't know what my favourite colour or food is. They don't even want to know. Whenever I used to show some interest in showing them something I did, they always used to ignore me. They never listen to me or anything which makes me sad. So I just stopped putting efforts.
Yes they are providing me food, shelter, money and other essentials but have they ever asked me how my day was? Have they ever asked me why I am crying? Have they ever came and hugged me/comforted me? No. I don't want anything, I just want my parents to be a little bit understanding...
They literally isolates me. They hardly let me go out with my friends (I have to cry and argue everytime I go out, otherwise they won't let me) and I'm literally 16 and I have no rights to visit my friend who lives few steps away from me. They think I'll get RAPED or KIDNAPPED or KILLED if I go out alone. Even if I just want to go and buy some chips from the grocery store, I have to take someone with me. Like yes, I get it they are concerned but aren't they a little too overprotective?
I envy my friends for having really understanding parents. Rn I only get out of my room to eat food and drink. Otherwise I totally avoid them. We are living in the same house like strangers. Once my mom asked me why I don't get out of my room so I decided to join our so called “family night” and my whole mood was ruined by my dad's one word and I told my mom this is exactly why I isolate myself. It has became a habit now, since you have been doing this with me for 16 years. I'm only happy when I'm inside my room. I may sound insane but I have made an imaginary world of myself and I talk to myself and my imaginary characters a lot. Somehow it gives me joy.
Thankfully I have my friends. Since I said I'm very antisocial so I have only 10/11 friends here and there and it's really refreshing how they turn on my bubbly side.
Sorry for mistakes, English is not my 1st language 😅