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I binge at night. When my family is asleep I come downstairs and I eat. I eat as much as I can. I stuff myself like a pig and it's why I'm fat. It's why my face is round and I have a double chin. It's why I can't fit into normal sized clothes or chairs with arms. Its why I can't run or go up a flight of steps without breaking into a sweat. I binge and it feels so good and it's destroying my body. Sometimes when I find a new stretch mark or outgrow another pair of pants I feel ashamed and I'll want to punish myself for being such a gross fat pig, so I'll eat even more until it hurts. I feel out of control and scared. I repulse myself and feel turned on all at the same time. I hate this about me but I don't want to stop. I want to see how far I will go. How out of control will I get? How fat? How unhealthy? I think I need help, but I want to know what will happen if I don't get it. I'm honestly terrified that I feel this way because I'm doing it. Every night I'm doing it to myself. I'm gorging on junk and watching it manifest itself all over my big heavy growing body. I'm actively ruining my body. Internally with massive doses of fat sugar and salt. I can feel my health slipping away, but what excites me is the visual manifestation of that. I can see the damage I'm doing. The shameful excessive gluttony is visible and obvious and getting worse every day. I barely recognize myself in the mirror. Who is this fat disgusting blob? I've changed so much. Grown so much. My features distorted by fat. My limbs thick and heavy to lift, my hips wide, my waist gone - overwhelmed with flab that forms tire-like rolls that hug me and hang down to my cellulite covered thighs. I'm grotesque. Obese. That is what I did. That is me and more and more it is all I am as i slip deeper and deeper into this morbid endeavor. There is so much of me now and I am almost gone.
Stop saying you're a freak, you are not a freak! you are just wired differently, as am I. Some of the things you say are seriously hot, an amazing turn on. "I live to eat, eat to get fatter". You really need to find a fat loving gentleman, who will, love, care, attend to your needs. To tell you how beautiful, **, voluptuous you are as you get fatter & fatter. Enjoy you choice of lifestyle rather than loathing it, beating yourself up over it.
Hey OP have we any update - have you bought a new scale ? Have you ever considered getting weighed in public on a big mall scale ?
I did buy a new scale. I almost posted about it a couple of weeks ago, but felt stupid running to announce unsolicited how fat I had gotten. Although, I guess that's what I had done originally isn't it? Anyway, it goes up to 700. I almost got one that only goes to 550, but can I honestly say I wouldn't outgrow that? No. As insane as it is, I think me blimping up over 550 pounds is a very realistic possibility. I am stuffing myself relentlessly. I don't feel satisfied until I'm at the point where I'm in pain, so even though I'm eating all day I'm still feel like I'm starving and I gorge at night to fill the void. I'm eating an ungodly amount of calories daily and even started supplementing with shakes because I need as many calories as I can possibly get inside me. I weigh 426 pounds as of this morning and I will weigh even more tomorrow. Do mall scales go that high? Who knows, maybe I end up needing to get weighed at a truck stop eventually?
You know, I never thought about being weighed in public before. I always hated being weighed at the doctor's office, especially when my binging really started getting out of control and I began blowing up. I knew I was getting huge and was being judged for it. Now, I'm just a waddling mound of blubber. I can't even dress myself without breaking into a sweat, just standing up takes effort. It might be fun to weigh myself in front of disgusted onlookers. God, I'd be so embarrassed for them to know my weight. I mean, they can see I'm a massive pig, but for them to know the number of just how big, how grossly fat I've forced my body to become, that would be utterly humiliating and I think I want it. I want them to know. I want them to point and laugh. I want them to see me for the pathetic obese hog I am. Good idea!
Imagine you standing there with a burger in your hand - rolls of fat overflowing your clothes - people pointing at you slightly in disbelief at the numbers in front of you. what a rush - what a turn on
You might be a hog, but not pathetic. A goddess, a queen, that deserves to eat as much as she wants & get as fat as she wants.
I've been following & commenting on your posts since you started. Sounds like you have embraced being a **, gluttonous lady, destined to weigh at least 500lbs. But from what you are saying will get fatter & fatter, eating yourself bigger, needing more & more food to satisfy that beautiful fat body, gaining more **, soft fat. I think you are a goddess, keep going.