I binge at night. When my family is asleep I come downstairs and I eat. I eat as much as I can. I stuff myself like a pig and it's why I'm fat. It's why my face is round and I have a double chin. It's why I can't fit into normal sized clothes or chairs with arms. Its why I can't run or go up a flight of steps without breaking into a sweat. I binge and it feels so good and it's destroying my body. Sometimes when I find a new stretch mark or outgrow another pair of pants I feel ashamed and I'll want to punish myself for being such a gross fat pig, so I'll eat even more until it hurts. I feel out of control and scared. I repulse myself and feel turned on all at the same time. I hate this about me but I don't want to stop. I want to see how far I will go. How out of control will I get? How fat? How unhealthy? I think I need help, but I want to know what will happen if I don't get it. I'm honestly terrified that I feel this way because I'm doing it. Every night I'm doing it to myself. I'm gorging on junk and watching it manifest itself all over my big heavy growing body. I'm actively ruining my body. Internally with massive doses of fat sugar and salt. I can feel my health slipping away, but what excites me is the visual manifestation of that. I can see the damage I'm doing. The shameful excessive gluttony is visible and obvious and getting worse every day. I barely recognize myself in the mirror. Who is this fat disgusting blob? I've changed so much. Grown so much. My features distorted by fat. My limbs thick and heavy to lift, my hips wide, my waist gone - overwhelmed with flab that forms tire-like rolls that hug me and hang down to my cellulite covered thighs. I'm grotesque. Obese. That is what I did. That is me and more and more it is all I am as i slip deeper and deeper into this morbid endeavor. There is so much of me now and I am almost gone.

Oct 23

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  • Honey, stop being miserable over this. Find yourself an FA (fat admirer) he will love you for who truly are, a woman that loves to eat & being fat.
    There is people that will tell you other wise & that I am for example gross, a fat pig, morbidly obese. Well, I may be a fat pig, I do stuff myself, morbidly obese, yes I am weighing 657lbs. Gross, not at all, I take pride in my looks even though I am hugely fat.
    My husband loves me, can't keep his hands off my fat body, playing with my rolls, rubbing my belly. When i met him I felt like you, he taught me to love who I am. I relaxed, let me enjoy my love of stuffing myself. I got fatter, bigger, heavier, I loved the freedom, happier. So much so, I just went with it. I love being able to just stuff myself, it feels so good & just got fatter & fatter. It turns me on. Even though I'm 657lbs of hugely fat woman, he makes me feel so sexy, so much so, I fully prepared to keep stuffing myself.

  • You poor thing, you need to stop beating yourself up over this. I was also worried about my weight, not that I was fat & yo-yo dieted if I did gain some. My problem is I love to eat. I met my husband got married & again gained weight with my first pregnancy & again freaked out, even though hubby said he didn't mind the extra weight. I lost weight, then blew up even bigger with my second pregnancy. Again freaking out, again hubby saying it was ok. But I dieted again. I hated dieting, struggled to stick to any diet.
    About 9 yrs ago hubby sat me down, told me to stop freaking out about my weight, that he loves me no matter how big I got & actually would like me bigger. I did finally wake up, what was I doing, I wasn't happy, content in myself. So a gave it all up. I put on weight, l ate what I wanted, I was so much happier. I grew to like the added weight, the curves. I got bigger & found I loved myself bigger. So much so, I am over 400lbs. I'm big, proud, dress nicely & don't care if I get even bigger.
    Don't suffer, go with it as others have said, you'll find a man that will love you big & treat you like a queen.

  • I agree. You sound sexy. I think you need to let yourself accept the large you and enjoy your life more.

  • Grow fatter pig. You know you need it. I’ve gained 200lbs in the last 10 years and I’ve ruined my once fit body with fat rolls.

  • You are not gross, you sound sexy. You say you like the visual manifestation of your stuffing yourself, I bet it turns you on how fat you are getting?
    You need someone who loves you fat and wants you fatter to feed & love you, praise your getting fatter and fatter.

  • It does turn me on. What's wrong with me? I am gross, a gross fat pig. I don't want to be praised for what I've done, what I'm still doing to my body. I want what I deserve. I want to be ridiculed. I want to be treated like the fat disgusting whale I've eaten myself into. Did you know I can't even put my shoes on without getting short of breath? That I sweat from standing in the shower? That my legs and back hurt from carrying all this weight? And that even with all that I can't stop eating? I can't stop. I spend all my money on food. Bad food. I force it into me and watch it pile up on my bulging flabby form. I have never felt more helpless because I feel like I've stopped even trying to fight it. I regret it and i beat myself up for it afterwards but I'm right back at it the next night and the next and the next and I'm getting fatter and fatter and oh my God, I'm SO FAT now! I'm going to be enormous. I'm scared, I'm obese, I'm hungry, and I'm going to EAT.

  • As I said, it turns you on & you said "yes it does"! Some where you have feedee tendencies, you are turned on by the weight gain, deep down you are liking the look & feel of the added fat. It's probably the fact the society & your parents have drummed into you that fat women look bad. I can tell you, there are infact a lot of men like big women, even very big women over 500lbs. You need to get over the fact that you may be wired to wanting to get very fat or you are only going to prolong your misery.
    I hope that helps.

  • I know you are right, but it's just so hard to accept.
    How do I just accept that I'm on my way to being freakishly fat? If I keep this up and I know I will, I will be over 500 pounds. I will be too fat to drive, maybe even walk. I'm on my way to being on my 600lb life and yes, it turns me on! I am totally getting off on ruining my body. I love what I've done to myself. I truly love that I turned myself into a massive morbidly obese porker and I never want to stop. I want to bury myself under so many layers of thick heavy fat that I become completely immobile, a wheezing pile of lard struggling just to breath under my own immense weight, Ok? I admit it. That is what I want. It just scares the h*** out of me that I'm making it happen.

  • Find yourself a fat loving man & go with it. There are lots of men that love hugely fat women & some are really nice, that will love, worship, spoil you for who you are.

  • Here, read through some of the posts here.

  • I know there are guys that like huge fatties like me and I know there are guys that would love to help me keep blowing up, but I need to come to terms with what I'm going to be first. You know, when I wrote my first post, I had just hit 350 pounds. I couldn't bring myself to admit I weighed that much, but I did. I am now 388 pounds. I gorged another 38 pounds onto this body in just the last 6 months. I was always chubby, but I used to yoyo diet when I still had some willpower. I stopped dieting and started binging almost 4 years ago. At that point I was at my heaviest so far and I felt like such a failure, such a disgusting pig. Do you know what I weighed then? 194 pounds. I have doubled my weight since then. Doubled. I started binging to punish myself. I was ashamed of being fat and wanted to hurt myself, so I stuffed my face. I sat in front of a mirror, looking at my pudgy belly and dimpled thighs and I ate. I was repulsed by what I saw and I forced so much food into my swollen gut that it hurt, but I really liked it. I mean I REALLY liked it, so I did it again and again and I started sneaking food at home and gorging on fast food in my car and I couldn't stop and i didn't want to stop and the pounds started piling on and I needed new clothes and my appetite grew and raged and I felt heavy and embarrassed and so turned on and now I'm here. I have lost all control. I am morbidly obese and binging daily and purposely (purposely!) shoveling the most fattening food I can find into my fat distorted face. Today I ate 2 big mac meals with large fries, a shake, and 20 mcnuggets on my way home before dinner, in my car, with the steering wheel pressing into my gigantic gut, and sweating just from eating.
    Hahaha. I am a couple of months maybe weeks away from weighing over 400 pounds and nowhere near being finished and honestly I'm excited. I want it. I want all of it.

  • Keep eating, get even fatter, huge fat women are incredibly sexy. You sound sexy.

  • If you think morbidly obese hogs with burgeoning mobility issues are sexy, then yes I'm super hot! Hahaha! Tell me what it is you find so sexy about me. Is it that I eat more fast food in a day than a family of 4 does in a week? Is it that I can't tie my own shoes anymore? Is it my 391 pound stretchmarked mess of a body that you like? Or do you like how out of control I am, giving in to my gluttony to such an extent that I have ruined any chance of a normal existence right along with my body and health? Does all of that turn you on? Because it does for me.

  • I love that you can eat so much, a 391lb woman packing in more food & adding more hot. The fact you are too big to tie your own shoes just means I'd have to do it for, like so many other things, a sexy fatty needs to be spoiled, treated like a fat goddess. You being out of control is so erotic, already fat & only going to get fatter & sexier. So yes, all of it turns me on!
    Imagine being, spoiled & pampered, told how sexy you are as you get fatter & fatter, knowing you can just keep stuffing yourself & not worry how fat you end up.

  • I do need to be pampered. I need to be taken care of or I will need to be soon. I'm really struggling with all this weight. My body can't keep up with what I'm doing. It can't handle all the heavy hanging flab that I'm burying myself in. It's affecting everything I do and it's making me so lazy. I don't want to move at all anymore. I want to sit and I want to eat and I want to grow and I don't want to stop. How can I not worry about how fat I end up when all i want is more fat?

  • But how good would it be for you to just laze about, be pampered, eat & eat & eat, just get fatter & fatter & be worshipped for being such a sexy fatty.

  • It's been a month, have you gotten fatter?

  • I have. I tried to stop myself from doing this anymore. I had let myself get carried away. I read the comments on here and I let myself start to accept my fate and allow myself to eat without feeling so guilty, but it's all just a way to delude myself. What I'm doing is not ok and I have really tried over the last few weeks to stop, but I can't. I just can't. I am over 400 pounds. I don't know my exact weight because I am now too fat for my scale. The sick part is I was excited when I stepped on it and I saw it error a couple of weeks ago. I was excited to be so obese that I need a special scale! I was excited and then ashamed and embarrassed. Ashamed to be excited and embarrassed by what I've become. I am grossly, morbidly, hideously obese. People stare. People laugh. People make comments. People assume I'm some pathetic out of control pig and they are right! They are absolutely right. That is all I am now, a pathetic 400 pound pig. A pig that is one again up in the middle of the night gorging on leftover spaghetti and donuts and

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