I binge at night. When my family is asleep I come downstairs and I eat. I eat as much as I can. I stuff myself like a pig and it's why I'm fat. It's why my face is round and I have a double chin. It's why I can't fit into normal sized clothes or chairs with arms. Its why I can't run or go up a flight of steps without breaking into a sweat. I binge and it feels so good and it's destroying my body. Sometimes when I find a new stretch mark or outgrow another pair of pants I feel ashamed and I'll want to punish myself for being such a gross fat pig, so I'll eat even more until it hurts. I feel out of control and scared. I repulse myself and feel turned on all at the same time. I hate this about me but I don't want to stop. I want to see how far I will go. How out of control will I get? How fat? How unhealthy? I think I need help, but I want to know what will happen if I don't get it. I'm honestly terrified that I feel this way because I'm doing it. Every night I'm doing it to myself. I'm gorging on junk and watching it manifest itself all over my big heavy growing body. I'm actively ruining my body. Internally with massive doses of fat sugar and salt. I can feel my health slipping away, but what excites me is the visual manifestation of that. I can see the damage I'm doing. The shameful excessive gluttony is visible and obvious and getting worse every day. I barely recognize myself in the mirror. Who is this fat disgusting blob? I've changed so much. Grown so much. My features distorted by fat. My limbs thick and heavy to lift, my hips wide, my waist gone - overwhelmed with flab that forms tire-like rolls that hug me and hang down to my cellulite covered thighs. I'm grotesque. Obese. That is what I did. That is me and more and more it is all I am as i slip deeper and deeper into this morbid endeavor. There is so much of me now and I am almost gone.

Oct 23, 2020

Related Posts


  • newest
  • most popular
  • oldest
  • Have you gotten any help? Or are you still liking the feeling too much?

  • I read through your posts, as others have said don't beat yourself up over getting fat. My wife was much like that as well, love for food, put on weight & beat herself up over it. It's all because of societies perception of fat, decades of fat phobia drilled into us. I love my wifes weight gain, I haven't fattened her as in forcing her to eat, enabled yes. Pretty much spoiled her & her love of eating. She has just gotten bigger & bigger until she was 462lbs & she then accepted she was a fatty & going to get fatter.
    She now weighs 584lbs & loves how fat she is, even to the point she'll run her hands over her fat body, smile & say "So nice & fat". She, like you has admitted she can't & doesn't want to stop stuffing herself & will only get fatter & fatter. I actually think she is now actually fattening herself up.

  • Any updates? How does your partner feel about it? Are they fat too?

  • I've found that really fat women are the best at eating p****. They go for a really long time, love the taste, want to please and get really hooked on it. If you're eating my p**** maybe you won't be eating other stuff and you'll lose weight plus I'll be super happy and so will you. Midatlanic area? Let me know. My legs are open and waiting for your mouth.

  • That’s very thoughtful of you.

  • Honey, stop being miserable over this. Find yourself an FA (fat admirer) he will love you for who truly are, a woman that loves to eat & being fat.
    There is people that will tell you other wise & that I am for example gross, a fat pig, morbidly obese. Well, I may be a fat pig, I do stuff myself, morbidly obese, yes I am weighing 657lbs. Gross, not at all, I take pride in my looks even though I am hugely fat.
    My husband loves me, can't keep his hands off my fat body, playing with my rolls, rubbing my belly. When i met him I felt like you, he taught me to love who I am. I relaxed, let me enjoy my love of stuffing myself. I got fatter, bigger, heavier, I loved the freedom, happier. So much so, I just went with it. I love being able to just stuff myself, it feels so good & just got fatter & fatter. It turns me on. Even though I'm 657lbs of hugely fat woman, he makes me feel so sexy, so much so, I fully prepared to keep stuffing myself.

  • Great t hear you found someone to appreciate all your heft. Did you start getting a lot fatter once you found a partner who likes it?

  • You poor thing, you need to stop beating yourself up over this. I was also worried about my weight, not that I was fat & yo-yo dieted if I did gain some. My problem is I love to eat. I met my husband got married & again gained weight with my first pregnancy & again freaked out, even though hubby said he didn't mind the extra weight. I lost weight, then blew up even bigger with my second pregnancy. Again freaking out, again hubby saying it was ok. But I dieted again. I hated dieting, struggled to stick to any diet.
    About 9 yrs ago hubby sat me down, told me to stop freaking out about my weight, that he loves me no matter how big I got & actually would like me bigger. I did finally wake up, what was I doing, I wasn't happy, content in myself. So a gave it all up. I put on weight, l ate what I wanted, I was so much happier. I grew to like the added weight, the curves. I got bigger & found I loved myself bigger. So much so, I am over 400lbs. I'm big, proud, dress nicely & don't care if I get even bigger.
    Don't suffer, go with it as others have said, you'll find a man that will love you big & treat you like a queen.

  • I agree. You sound sexy. I think you need to let yourself accept the large you and enjoy your life more.

  • Grow fatter pig. You know you need it. I’ve gained 200lbs in the last 10 years and I’ve ruined my once fit body with fat rolls.

  • You are not gross, you sound sexy. You say you like the visual manifestation of your stuffing yourself, I bet it turns you on how fat you are getting?
    You need someone who loves you fat and wants you fatter to feed & love you, praise your getting fatter and fatter.

  • It does turn me on. What's wrong with me? I am gross, a gross fat pig. I don't want to be praised for what I've done, what I'm still doing to my body. I want what I deserve. I want to be ridiculed. I want to be treated like the fat disgusting whale I've eaten myself into. Did you know I can't even put my shoes on without getting short of breath? That I sweat from standing in the shower? That my legs and back hurt from carrying all this weight? And that even with all that I can't stop eating? I can't stop. I spend all my money on food. Bad food. I force it into me and watch it pile up on my bulging flabby form. I have never felt more helpless because I feel like I've stopped even trying to fight it. I regret it and i beat myself up for it afterwards but I'm right back at it the next night and the next and the next and I'm getting fatter and fatter and oh my God, I'm SO FAT now! I'm going to be enormous. I'm scared, I'm obese, I'm hungry, and I'm going to EAT.

  • It’s been another month… you’ve chowed yourself into even more weight, haven’t you? What’s the latest meal you snuck? Just so you know, my wife is the exact way and if your family is the same, they all know when you think you’re sneaking an eating session….

  • Do circuses still have fat lady exhibits? Seems like you are training for the role.

  • As I said, it turns you on & you said "yes it does"! Some where you have feedee tendencies, you are turned on by the weight gain, deep down you are liking the look & feel of the added fat. It's probably the fact the society & your parents have drummed into you that fat women look bad. I can tell you, there are infact a lot of men like big women, even very big women over 500lbs. You need to get over the fact that you may be wired to wanting to get very fat or you are only going to prolong your misery.
    I hope that helps.

  • I know you are right, but it's just so hard to accept.
    How do I just accept that I'm on my way to being freakishly fat? If I keep this up and I know I will, I will be over 500 pounds. I will be too fat to drive, maybe even walk. I'm on my way to being on my 600lb life and yes, it turns me on! I am totally getting off on ruining my body. I love what I've done to myself. I truly love that I turned myself into a massive morbidly obese porker and I never want to stop. I want to bury myself under so many layers of thick heavy fat that I become completely immobile, a wheezing pile of lard struggling just to breath under my own immense weight, Ok? I admit it. That is what I want. It just scares the h*** out of me that I'm making it happen.

  • Find yourself a fat loving man & go with it. There are lots of men that love hugely fat women & some are really nice, that will love, worship, spoil you for who you are.

  • Here, read through some of the posts here.

  • I know there are guys that like huge fatties like me and I know there are guys that would love to help me keep blowing up, but I need to come to terms with what I'm going to be first. You know, when I wrote my first post, I had just hit 350 pounds. I couldn't bring myself to admit I weighed that much, but I did. I am now 388 pounds. I gorged another 38 pounds onto this body in just the last 6 months. I was always chubby, but I used to yoyo diet when I still had some willpower. I stopped dieting and started binging almost 4 years ago. At that point I was at my heaviest so far and I felt like such a failure, such a disgusting pig. Do you know what I weighed then? 194 pounds. I have doubled my weight since then. Doubled. I started binging to punish myself. I was ashamed of being fat and wanted to hurt myself, so I stuffed my face. I sat in front of a mirror, looking at my pudgy belly and dimpled thighs and I ate. I was repulsed by what I saw and I forced so much food into my swollen gut that it hurt, but I really liked it. I mean I REALLY liked it, so I did it again and again and I started sneaking food at home and gorging on fast food in my car and I couldn't stop and i didn't want to stop and the pounds started piling on and I needed new clothes and my appetite grew and raged and I felt heavy and embarrassed and so turned on and now I'm here. I have lost all control. I am morbidly obese and binging daily and purposely (purposely!) shoveling the most fattening food I can find into my fat distorted face. Today I ate 2 big mac meals with large fries, a shake, and 20 mcnuggets on my way home before dinner, in my car, with the steering wheel pressing into my gigantic gut, and sweating just from eating.
    Hahaha. I am a couple of months maybe weeks away from weighing over 400 pounds and nowhere near being finished and honestly I'm excited. I want it. I want all of it.

  • Keep eating, get even fatter, huge fat women are incredibly sexy. You sound sexy.

  • If you think morbidly obese hogs with burgeoning mobility issues are sexy, then yes I'm super hot! Hahaha! Tell me what it is you find so sexy about me. Is it that I eat more fast food in a day than a family of 4 does in a week? Is it that I can't tie my own shoes anymore? Is it my 391 pound stretchmarked mess of a body that you like? Or do you like how out of control I am, giving in to my gluttony to such an extent that I have ruined any chance of a normal existence right along with my body and health? Does all of that turn you on? Because it does for me.

  • I love that you can eat so much, a 391lb woman packing in more food & adding more hot. The fact you are too big to tie your own shoes just means I'd have to do it for, like so many other things, a sexy fatty needs to be spoiled, treated like a fat goddess. You being out of control is so erotic, already fat & only going to get fatter & sexier. So yes, all of it turns me on!
    Imagine being, spoiled & pampered, told how sexy you are as you get fatter & fatter, knowing you can just keep stuffing yourself & not worry how fat you end up.

  • I do need to be pampered. I need to be taken care of or I will need to be soon. I'm really struggling with all this weight. My body can't keep up with what I'm doing. It can't handle all the heavy hanging flab that I'm burying myself in. It's affecting everything I do and it's making me so lazy. I don't want to move at all anymore. I want to sit and I want to eat and I want to grow and I don't want to stop. How can I not worry about how fat I end up when all i want is more fat?

  • But how good would it be for you to just laze about, be pampered, eat & eat & eat, just get fatter & fatter & be worshipped for being such a sexy fatty.

  • It's been a month, have you gotten fatter?

  • I have. I tried to stop myself from doing this anymore. I had let myself get carried away. I read the comments on here and I let myself start to accept my fate and allow myself to eat without feeling so guilty, but it's all just a way to delude myself. What I'm doing is not ok and I have really tried over the last few weeks to stop, but I can't. I just can't. I am over 400 pounds. I don't know my exact weight because I am now too fat for my scale. The sick part is I was excited when I stepped on it and I saw it error a couple of weeks ago. I was excited to be so obese that I need a special scale! I was excited and then ashamed and embarrassed. Ashamed to be excited and embarrassed by what I've become. I am grossly, morbidly, hideously obese. People stare. People laugh. People make comments. People assume I'm some pathetic out of control pig and they are right! They are absolutely right. That is all I am now, a pathetic 400 pound pig. A pig that is one again up in the middle of the night gorging on leftover spaghetti and donuts and

  • Dearest, I cannot give advice according to my profession, but I can give you advice as a man who went into psychology and therapy because I was a closeted FA and Feeder who knew nothing of the community; I was so disgusted in finding I lusted after obese women (the bigger and more helpless, the better) that I remained chaste well into my twenties. I consigned myself to a life lived alone.

    But I met a psychologist teaching courses in sexual psychology and deviance who changed my worldview. I'll give it to you straight. Everyone goes through life looking for their bliss. And, for those of us lucky enough to find it, it becomes our reason for existing. We let it dominate us, control us, and even kill us; because it's worth it.

    The problem is that other people exist. And they have formed societies that you are born into. Their values and notion of the life you're supposed to live is pressed upon you before you can walk. And you fear they will turn on you and call you an outcast if you give in to your bliss. That's what causes such turmoil in you. You have discovered your bliss, but society has vetoed it.

  • So you have to decide: live a long, half-assed life of constant warring with yourself whenever you see food, or find a partner with the resources and interest to help you once you're too big to help yourself; plan ahead for immobility and worsening health by finding an FA who is a physician that will help, start treating your skin now to reduce stretch marks and skin tearing, imagine the sort of room that you want to spend the rest of your life in, and then see about making it happen. Decide if you are with him to let your family see you at the sizes that are record-breaking, as you may have to move and alienate yourself from them otherwise. And finally, you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that you will die much earlier than a normal person's lifespan lasts. That is the price you will pay. Thus, plan how you wish to go. Because a number of maladies could result in a slow and agonizing death, as opposed to a decision between you and your partner involving quick euthanasia. It's a hard thing to think about. But if you're serious, and you're going to cast off every notion that society has tried to press on you, you are going to let your bliss control and kill you because you love it that much, then you will make these decisions. Until you have decided, you will be at constant war with yourself.

  • Your words are painfully true. I wanted to cry reading that, but also eat an entire cake and struggle to touch myself. Why am I like this? Why don't I want to stop? Why have I given up everything to ruin myself like this and why do I love it? I am on my way to exactly what you described and I know it and I hate admitting it but I want it. All of it. And it's getting close.

  • I have responded to you previously. I would take everything that JJ has said as gospel about getting fatter. There are some very fat women who have some health issues but not too serious & are also gaining more weight.

  • Thank you. What he said was very scary, but it resonated with me because a lot of it is very true. I am heading down the road he laid out. I am enormous now and only getting bigger. I beat myself up internally and on here I guess, but I'm not fighting it. I'm not stopping. I'm not dieting. I'm too out of shape to exercise, but wouldn't if I could. I'm not even holding back or trying to maintain. No, I'm actively stuffing myself daily, pushing my limits and forcing myself fatter. This is it for me. It is all I have.

  • Out of curiosity, how old are you, OP? I’m finding myself heading on the same path as you, but I’m not as big yet. I’m “only” 326 lbs right now.

  • I am 32. How old are you? Be careful heading down this path. It can feel lonely and is so extremely h****** your body. I would suggest getting off while you still can - if you still can. Once you give in it is almost impossible to stop. Have you given in? You say you're only 326 which is small compared to the flab mountain I've become, but you are already very fat. Have you always been or is this recent? In my experience the changes from 350 or so to whatever ridiculous number I am now are drastic. Once your body becomes overloaded with lard like this, the struggles just seem to multiply with any added weight. Be careful, but if this is also your path, good luck! It's really not all bad and if you find yourself unable to resist that is OK. I beat myself up a lot, but nobody is perfect and you are not alone.

  • How about now, a month later? Have you gotten even bigger?

  • I guess it's time for my monthly update. Yes, I am even bigger. I still haven't bought a new scale, so I don't know what I weigh. I know that I have never been bigger or fatter though. I am huge and swelling more every day. My life now revolves around food and stuffing myself fatter. I am so big and heavy and I look ridiculous. I'm a freak. A fat sweaty waddling freak. I can't really do much of anything normal people do anymore, so all I do is eat. I plan my days around stuffing myself. It is all I have left and it has beaten me. My body is beyond repair at this point. This is my life now. I live to eat, I eat to get fatter, and that's it. I didn't want this to be my life or maybe I did. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I just want to eat. I want more fat, more weight, more heavy restrictive suffocating weight. I am going to keep piling more and more hideous lard onto my ridiculously obese body until I can't.

  • Stop saying you're a freak, you are not a freak! you are just wired differently, as am I. Some of the things you say are seriously hot, an amazing turn on. "I live to eat, eat to get fatter". You really need to find a fat loving gentleman, who will, love, care, attend to your needs. To tell you how beautiful, sexy, voluptuous you are as you get fatter & fatter. Enjoy you choice of lifestyle rather than loathing it, beating yourself up over it.

  • Hey OP have we any update - have you bought a new scale ? Have you ever considered getting weighed in public on a big mall scale ?

  • I did buy a new scale. I almost posted about it a couple of weeks ago, but felt stupid running to announce unsolicited how fat I had gotten. Although, I guess that's what I had done originally isn't it? Anyway, it goes up to 700. I almost got one that only goes to 550, but can I honestly say I wouldn't outgrow that? No. As insane as it is, I think me blimping up over 550 pounds is a very realistic possibility. I am stuffing myself relentlessly. I don't feel satisfied until I'm at the point where I'm in pain, so even though I'm eating all day I'm still feel like I'm starving and I gorge at night to fill the void. I'm eating an ungodly amount of calories daily and even started supplementing with shakes because I need as many calories as I can possibly get inside me. I weigh 426 pounds as of this morning and I will weigh even more tomorrow. Do mall scales go that high? Who knows, maybe I end up needing to get weighed at a truck stop eventually?

  • I've been following & commenting on your posts since you started. Sounds like you have embraced being a sexy, gluttonous lady, destined to weigh at least 500lbs. But from what you are saying will get fatter & fatter, eating yourself bigger, needing more & more food to satisfy that beautiful fat body, gaining more sexy, soft fat. I think you are a goddess, keep going.

  • You know, I never thought about being weighed in public before. I always hated being weighed at the doctor's office, especially when my binging really started getting out of control and I began blowing up. I knew I was getting huge and was being judged for it. Now, I'm just a waddling mound of blubber. I can't even dress myself without breaking into a sweat, just standing up takes effort. It might be fun to weigh myself in front of disgusted onlookers. God, I'd be so embarrassed for them to know my weight. I mean, they can see I'm a massive pig, but for them to know the number of just how big, how grossly fat I've forced my body to become, that would be utterly humiliating and I think I want it. I want them to know. I want them to point and laugh. I want them to see me for the pathetic obese hog I am. Good idea!

  • You might be a hog, but not pathetic. A goddess, a queen, that deserves to eat as much as she wants & get as fat as she wants.

  • Imagine you standing there with a burger in your hand - rolls of fat overflowing your clothes - people pointing at you slightly in disbelief at the numbers in front of you. what a rush - what a turn on

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Reason for reporting this post
Report this comment
Reason for reporting this comment
Delete this post?