Secretly embarrassed of weight gain.
I started dating my boyfriend a few years ago and everything has been great for the most part. But I’ve gained a little over 100 lbs and I’m embarrassed to be so heavy. The problem is my bF is into much heavier women so he loves it. When we started i was already overweight and I was 165ish. I started out gaining because he was always pushing me to eat more and gave me attention like I’ve never had before. I’ve always been chubbier so I’ve been shy and not used to the attention. So At first I was reluctant to eat so much but gave into the pressure and pretty quickly I put on about 30 lbs which did make me feel huge because I’m only 5 feet. I enjoyed it at first because he was happy and the attention so I played along and I hadn’t gotten terribly big yet just kind of thickened out in my bottom half and belly ... But it made him happy and he encouraged me to eat A LOT and it seemed like all we did together. He encouraged huge portions and triple helpings and snack a lot so I kept playing along and gaining. He even would bring cakes to bed and encourage me to eat the entire thing In one sitting and I know that’s so bad for you at night. He gives me a lot of attention so I kept eating and gaining. It just seemed to make him happy. Anyways I started really noticing stretch marks and back pain once I hit the 240’s but I gained very fast ...and brought up wanting to loose weight. I feel like I’m top heavy, also my hips hurt and my stomach bothers me because it seems like that’s where I’ve gained recently and it feels very heavy and is uncomfortable sitting down or walking because it hangs a lot lower ..gross I know but he likes it. I still can’t believe Ive let my stomach get this big and now I’m about a Sz 22/24 and I was a 12/14 some weird brands a 16 when we started. I brought up weight loss and He got annoyed almost angry but said he would help and diet with me. But then I would find cake in the fridge and junk food.. and he would still push me to eat more almost like a Sabotage. I felt frustrated and embarrassed so I would binge at night and I gained even more weight and felt more embarrassed. I’m short so this weight is really getting to me but I love my bF so much and don’t want to disappoint him because I know he thinks I’m beautiful but he’s into plus size women. But my friends and family are concerned and my doctors visit was humiliating for me my weight was really high for my height about 272 and he said my BMI put me into dangerous obese category he wasn’t mean about it but didn’t sugar coat it. My bF said not to worry but I was ashamed.... I don’t tell him I’m embarrassed just that my back hurts and I think weight loss might help. If I told him I’m embarrassed he would just try to convince me and compliment me how much better I look overweight. I’m super worried soon I’ll be 300 lbs and never able to loose and honestly that’s not too far away a number 270. He just keeps encouraging the food and picks up fast food and take out .... he will buy deserts and guilt me into eating them ... which I give in to the pressure even though I should not... but the longer we are together when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize myself. I don’t know if I should just give in and be heavier or really talk to him wanting to loose. But being this big takes a toll and I don’t go on walks anymore or feel motivated to work out. I feel sluggish and it’s impossible to think of running or exercising with the excess weight in my belly. I tried a few work out video and yoga and it’s so embarrassing but my stomach really got in the way so I just gave up. I need to talk to him soon before I get even heavier and tell him I need to loose OR a compromise because id settle for just loosing about 50 lbs and being 200 ish lbs ... still overweight but not as much as now so hopefully he would still be happy. but I don’t see how I’m going to loose over 50 lbs being with him but I really love him and he does make me feel good and I wish I could be happier big but maybe just not AS big. I know I can’t blame this all on him because I’m the one who overate & gained the weight but I wanted him to love my body more and more and he did really seem to with all this weight. But I really don’t think I can take being any heavier ... I guess I have a lot to think about.Dec 3, 2020