I was groomed at 19

I am autistic and a recovering ** addict, and this is my story of how I was groomed by people younger and older than myself. It started when I was 19 years old and I had gotten onto a popular role-playing app that was used by thousands of people around the world for different pop cultures or even Fandoms. I was on there for a few months and even got myself a long distance relationship from a girl who lives a few states away from me. She was very sweet and we talked/dated for a couple months when I tried to get her to talk to me outside of the app she refused or just completely brushed me off. I wasn’t being pushy or anything. Anyway, I was role-playing in this random server one day and I ended up in a private role-play with another girl who was 15. We chatted in RP and then we introduced each other and she admitted that she was from another state on the coast and was the eldest of her and her other sibling, which was her brother. She asked me about some stuff about my life and I just told her very vague things and then I accidentally let it slip that at the time my girlfriend was brushing me off and not talking to me.

After I said that the girl stated that my GF didn’t trust me or was being fishy and that I should break up with her if I was the only one putting in the effort. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I broke up with my ex GF and had my suspicion confirmed that she didn’t fully trust me, even though I didn’t give her a reason not to. I was an emotional wreck for a few days and the girl that I talked to an RP was a solace for me. She was being kind and offering advice and being sweet. She even stated compliments about me, saying that my hair was nice and she thought I was very handsome and that if she were here, she’d probably give me a hug. I was flattered to even notice how wrong it was. Then one day she told me that she wanted me to be her boyfriend, I was taking her back. I wanted to say no but then she sent a message right afterwards the completely stopped me, it was a picture of her Standing in her bathroom with her camera facing the mirror and her reflection showed her and nothing but *** and ***. My depression and hormones completely clouded my judgment that night. I gratified myself to her picture along with a short video she sent of her rubbing herself. A few days later, I snapped out of all of it and told her that we couldn’t do that anymore and what she did was wrong and that I felt like a monster at that time. She apologized to me and told me that she believed that that was the only way that I would give her any of the attention that she really wanted from me. She stated that any guy her age was so immature and that I was the only older guy that wasn’t related to her to show her any kindness, she didn’t save anything of our conversation and we parted ways, respectively.

But she wasn’t the only one. Afterwards I remain in solitude for about a year. I stayed away from a lot of social media at the time except for Facebook because of close family friends. Then I ended up getting on TikTok and as I was posting content at least after a week, I would get a message almost every other day from a random teenage girl trying to ask me to be their boyfriend and I told them no. One girl even tried to lie about her age, saying that she was 30, but I could tell from her TikTok videos that she wasn’t. I even screen recorded the conversation for my own protection, and she admitted that she was in the single digits. I immediately told her that the conversation with screen recording that I would show to the police if she ever did something like that again. She immediately backed off.

But then when Covid hits and everyone was stuck inside and had to rely on the Internet later on during 2020 that’s when things got more crazy. I was briefly voice acting with some people for an online series and two of the younger members of the team decided to sync their fangs into me. It began with compliments and friendly talk, and then they would also make compliments of how any girl would be lucky to have me, I was very emotional at the time, still have some emotional outburst every now and then. One of them turned on a voice call and told me that we don’t have to share any messages or pictures but that we could do things over voice call. At the time, I didn’t realize that there was anything wrong with it because there was no physical stuff nor abuse, at least on my end towards someone.

Sometime afterwards, the girls realize that I was beginning to pull away and they apologized for how they acted towards me and that they shouldn’t have done that.

But then when I got on rule 34, stuff became worse. Due to the access of more **, and the fact that there were comments and people could message each other on there. I was already messed up by the first few events, but then my time on there really screwed with me. I was desensitized, manipulated, and groomed to act in ways that I didn’t even really want to act like. Stuff and people on there gave me thoughts that were so deplorable, it even made me almost do something to one of my female family members or even try to do unspeakable things to two of my family dogs, but luckily I pulled myself back from ever fully committing to those. I was groomed and manipulated by people older and yes, much younger than me. I don’t know why there are people like this online especially ones that are younger where they shouldn’t even know what that type of stuff is.

I’ve since kicked off that stuff from my life and I am doing my very best to not go back on those sites ever again. I’m thankful that I didn’t hurt anybody, but I still fear the possibility of people finding out about that and would ignore all the signs and immediately see me as a monster. Of course they would have every right too because in today’s society that People don’t believe that adults can be groomed, but many can even the mentally disabled. People like me are the most vulnerable to manipulation online and desensitization.

I’m now 26 and wanting to move forward with my life. All I can say for people of all agents if you’re going online to certain sites, please be careful. Don’t let your hormones get the better of you, don’t fall for flattery from strangers, and most certainly stick to people within your own age range. Just because your hormonal and just because you say you’re OK with it doesn’t give you the right to do something like that. Everyone no matter what age is capable of being groomed. Please be safe online.

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