Am i the only one?

This isn't really a confession. I just want to know if I'm truly as alone as I always feel. I'm homeschooled. Have been my whole life. Neither of my parents are very educated and my schooling is 110% my responsibility. I'm keeping afloat for the most part, but am crippled in math.
Currently I'm 17 years old and am anxious af about becoming an adult. To say my parents sheltered me is an understatement. I've never gone to churches or co-ops that other homeschoolers talk about. I got a job for a moment, but I worked for a drug addict in a very unhealthy environment getting paid 25 dollars a day for nine hour days. Since I was 16 and naïve I thought this was amazing. My mother encouraged me to keep the job despite how I eventually came to loath it. I later found out both my mother and my boss were shooting up together.
My parents have kept me from friends. They've cut themselves off from the rest of my family. I haven't gotten a birthday card from my grandparents for years lol. And both my parents forbid me from getting a license to drive, but allowed me to get a learner's permit when I turned 16. I don't drive very well and they never take me out. I stress them out when I'm behind the wheel.
They do let me drink though. Not so much since my brother got drunk and fell down the stairs, but they let me drink. They say it'll help me de-stress. They both are aware I cut myself frequently, but it's fine.
When I was eleven my mother attempted suicide. I just think they don't know how to deal with it.
Oh and one last thing. My family moves a lot. Most people think we're a military family, but the truth is my parents just fight. A lot. They've broken more furniture than I can count and often times end up taking it out on my siblings and I. Then they'll make love in their room for hours and everything's fine. I think they've tried to divorce... five times now? I stopped crying about it after the second false alarm.
They seem to think moving will help things.
We're about to move again actually. That makes it eight states I've lived in all over the country.
In conclusion, I just want to know if anyone feels as alone as I do? Like actually alone? Cut off from society and left to your worthless self.

Feb 1, 2021

Related Posts

1 Comment

  • newest
  • most popular
  • oldest
  • Never been homeschooled, my parents never really cared about me enough to check on my educational well-being. My mom became interested before I graduated, that was it. I never even got a congratulations when I graduated. I wasn’t praised often as a child, so now as an adult I’m a failure to myself. I too struggled in math, and I had to have two tutors. I stayed after school for extra help, and was still held back in math class. I had to retake half a semester, and I felt like a big loser because I couldn’t do something as easy as trigonometry.

    I’m 19 years old, and one thing I’ve learned is that if you’ve made it this far, you’re killing this thing called life hun. I too had an addicted set of parents, I had to raise my baby sister, and keep her away from seeing that. She was my rock, and she left me to live with her father because it was too painful to see our mother doing good for once. All she remembered was everything that woman put us through.

    Seek professional help from a psychiatrist, it does help. Just talking about things, they’re great for uplifting your spirits when you’re at your breaking point. Everywhere your family moves, the fighting will follow until they learn to seek help as well. You need to move far away, and don’t look back.

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Reason for reporting this post
Report this comment
Reason for reporting this comment
Delete this post?