Joking

So for about 3 months, my boyfriend has been talking about how he wants to marry me soon and that he is so sure about marrying. I thought at first that he was light-weight joking because we are only 19, but he brought it up so many times that it made me start thinking he wasn't joking. It honestly made me happy to know that he was already sure about being married to me and that he thought ahead like that because I love it when guys think ahead of our relationship. And it made me feel secure in our relationship. Today, he and I were talking about ages that people ideally should move out of their parent's house and he said 25 is the max. And I said that 25 is too old and that I should be married by then. He looked at me like I was crazy and said that he wouldn't want to get married until he was 26-28. And I was like ??? but for the past few months, you kept saying how much you want to marry me. And then he started to laugh and say he was joking about it and thought I knew. Mind you when he kept saying it, he didn't at any time say he was joking and he looked so serious when he would say it. I became upset and because I'm like a few days away from my period and I'm on birth control I began to cry and he actually got upset with me and told me why I was crying. And I said because even though I told him I didn't want to get married right now it made me really happy that he was thinking ahead so I decided to fantasy about our wedding and make a Pinterest board of it and it just overall made me happy that he was so sure about me. Mind you also I have never talked about marriage with my past bfs so the fact that he was thinking about us like that made me extremely happy. So i asked him if he even thinks about marrying me for real and he responds with "kinda". That broke my heart even more. He ended up getting upset with me and told me a make a big deal out of everything and still didn't understand why I am so sad. Do you guys think my feelings are valid or should I not be upset?

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  • You should be upset. You you should talk with him about it. Turn off the television and turn your phones off..

    I enjoyed reading your story, I admit my eyes filled up with a salty tasting liquid... And was wondering... "WHAT THE H*** IS WRONG WITH ME?" lol . . Just remembering going through this same situation when I was 22years old. Ages ago... I am 38 and I will remain single until the day I fall asleep

  • I don't mean to sound cruel but he sounds very Inmature and I would like to know if he plans on moving out of his parents home before he ever gets married?
    He sounds like a kid to me and I would not trust him.
    You are still young and I know you can fall in love with someone and you just want to follow your heart, but I think this guy needs some growing up to do first and to stop playing with your feeling.
    To me he is using words and situations to his advantage and when you have feelings and show your emotions he also why and he really knows knows deep down inside he knows why you are crying.
    But let's's say he can't figure out why your up set, my question to him is why can't you see it from her side??
    If I was you I would find a Much kinder man for you to marry and have your wonder life with out this boyfriend you have now.
    But that is my opinion..
    Stay well healthy and most of all Happy!!!!!
    ๐Ÿ’•

  • One does not joke or pretend about marriage, so you are well within your rights to complain about his lackadaisical attitude. He's showing a horrid lack of care for your feelings. I'm not going to say it's time for an ultimatum, but I can't say it would be out of place. He's behaved very badly and i'm sorry he hurt you. You deserve better and i hope it comes to you. Best wishes, and God bless.

  • Thank you for reassuring me that my feelings are valid :) funny thing is about an hour of me sending this confession we talked about it again and he apologized and said that he does think about marrying me but not so soon. which is fine with me because i dont want to get married so soon either. and he showed a lot of empathy and sincerity in his apology and even cried because he knew how much he hurt me. so everything now is fine :)

  • No, things are not "fine". They're not even better.
    They're the same as they were. He simply did what he needed to do to put down the uprising. You can expect him to fall back into the same behaviors and attitudes. I'm not trying to discourage you, nut you need to know.

  • Very valid feelings. there are subjects that don't accept jokes -marriage-and-divorce. i have a boy friend not only for the s** but for finding my life partner not a clown. i respect my friends who keep saying no commitment. you can't reserve me for you if you are not committed.

  • For sure! thank you for reassuring me about my feelings i really thought i was being sensitive :)

  • Amen!

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