Last Month I ** Up

Before I begin I fully admit that what I did was stupid, selfish, and unfair. I'm kicking myself for what I did and am never planning on doing something like this again.

So... over the last two years I worked alongside a woman who I found incredibly attractive. She was smart, funny, pretty, a hard worker, and really good at her job, but also abrasive to those she didn't like or trust. She also doesn't handle confrontation well and is awkward when it comes to communicating, so a lot of people assume she's cold-hearted even though she's really not once you understand that about her.

We were peers when we started working together but eventually we both got promoted and I was entrusted with more and more responsibilities, becoming someone she relied on and trusted.

She started opening up to me and I learned that we had some common interests, plus she started showing her kinder, cuter side more often, but it was mostly when no one else was around. What started out as admiration slowly developed into a full-on crush.

Some time later I was passed down for another promotion in the department and opted to take a position in another department, partly because I knew how I felt was inappropriate as by this point she was my supervisor.

But even after transferring departments she would check in on me, even if it was going out of her way to do so. Whenever I said hi or good morning she'd respond with "hey!" and a big smile on her face.

But me being the lonely dumbass I am, I misunderstood her kindness as something it wasn't and ended up confessing to her the day after Valentine's Day by leaving a gift on her desk chair where no one else would see it. (I was trying to be subtle because I was aware she was a supervisor and didn't want to put her on the spot in front of others. I also told her she didn't have to keep it if she didn't want to).

I just... I had to know if I had a chance, ya know?

The following day she understandably refused the gift and said she didn't feel comfortable accepting it as a supervisor, but also that she didn't want things to be awkward between us. I agreed with her and thanked her for at least considering keeping the gift.

Since then she's stopped checking in on me and avoids eye contact whenever we cross paths and I've been trying to keep my distance, only communicating with her when necessary.

I know I probably don't have the right to feel guilty but I'm having a hard time forgiving myself and moving on.

TL;DR: I confessed to my former supervisor after transferring to another department which made her uncomfortable and I'm beating myself up over it a month later.

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