I almost committed suicide once, but I didn’t

I almost committed suicide once, I was gonna leave behind a farewell note for my Mom who was out on the town drinking. But I didn’t, I left nothing behind for her to read on my soon to be empty room. I went off to my final place of Solitude where I was gonna jump to my death. But the place was not high enough, I could not die fast enough. I could have found a higher place to throw myself off to a quick demise, but I couldn’t do it. That would have taken too long, I could not die that day. So I went home to my room, and I went to sleep, my Mom came back and I told her I loved her and I would never leave her. So she sobered up the next day and I went off job hunting and about 9 months later I found myself a job and I was employed for the longest time. During that first 5 years employment my Mom passed away from Cancer and I did not find out about it until one day later, I was working at the time. So in a way I’m glad I never committed suicide, because if I had, my Mom would have joined me in death soon afterwards. I would never commit suicide ever again unless I have no other choice, if I’m in lots of pain just like my Mom was in lots of Pain in her Cancer, than I’ll do it because I have no choice, because she never had a choice to end her suffering, she suffered terribly and was in lots of pain, and the doctors never helped her end her own suffering. They prolonged her suffering and that was criminal to prolong the suffering of a Patient. I have no desire to commit suicide or euthanasia until I have no choice to do it, to save myself from suffering like my mom suffered far too terribly.

Mar 28, 2021

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