My 1st cousin wanted a baby with me, but she died childless

Long ago In my younger years, My 1st cousin Denise Oscar wanted to have a baby with me, but she died childless. I had 2 chances to get her pregnant. The 1st chance would have guaranteed that she would have been truly in love with me, me and her were always like brother and sister.
But I always used to force kiss her in the lips ( our big Noses disappeared into each other) whenever we were alone, I even kissed her in front of her little brother. And she never gotten mad or angry about it, because deep down, she loved me as well. One day it was just the two of us all alone in my room, and I gotten tired of always force kissing her, I wanted a real kiss from her, a long kiss. A kiss that would guarantee that we were in love, then I asked her.
Me: do you know what I wanna do Denise Oscar. She replied: what, what do you wanna do. I said to her: I want to Kiss you, she looked in shock: what’s that, you want to kiss me. ( I shook my head yes) she smiled: ok let’s kiss. I asked: can we use our Noses, she replied: m-huh, let’s use them.
Then I checked her big Nose for myself “ is your Nose clean” ( me looking nervously into both her nostrils, they were clean ) , then she happily looked into my Big Nose: “ now let’s check your Nose”.
Then we had decided to kiss for real, we weren’t gonna pick sides during our kissing, since my Nose was too big and her Nose was too big and pudgy, we had a big Nose fetish, and we always put our Noses together whenever we kiss. Then we went for it, we smooshed Noses for a split second as she slipped me the tongue 👅, I turned away and said “ ahhh” you slipped me the tongue 👅, I had her spit on my lips. She looked at me “ there, do you feel better “ I said “ No, now kiss me “. So we tried a second time, we smooshed Noses as she once again slipped me the tongue. ( I turned away disgusted by her spilt and saliva in my mouth)
I was disgusted with her as I thought she was teasing me because I thought she hated me and she was not in love with me, and she was teasing me like she always done in the past because I had a Big Nose, and she had the same sized Big Nose as I did.
So I walked away from her disgusted with her for teasing me, she asked “ where you going “ ( she thought we were not done kissing, we still had lots of kissing to do)
So she cried, and she left the house crying, we didn’t bother saying goodbye to each other, I was angry and mad at her for teasing me.
But later on, I found out that she was not at all teasing me, she wanted to French kiss me, she wanted us to kiss for real, and have sexual intercourse with me in the bedroom, and she wanted to have a baby with me, she wanted to prepare me for foreplay so that I’ll eat out her V***** and she may suck my P**** with me. And then we’ll go to bed and have s** for as long as I wanted too and me c****** in her V*****.
And she’ll be pregnant for me, she would have loved to have a baby with me, then the both of us would have had a Son or Daughter. And the both of us can kiss our Baby together. Then I regretted not French kissing her, because if I had stuck my tongue 👅 out for her, she and I could have gone to bed and gotten naked and me and her would have gone Big Nose to Big Nose for as long as we wanted too in the bedroom, as well as French kissing 😽 .
But it never happened because I thought she was teasing me, the very last encounter we had, we got into a great big fight about it, she gave me one last chance to get her pregnant, she said: either you get me pregnant or I’m never gonna have a child with any other man but you. I said no.
She said to my Face, with our Big Noses crooked and together and both of us fuming raging mad at ourselves. She said with tears in her eyes towards my tears eyes: because you broke my heart in our relationship, I’m never gonna have a baby with anybody else but you, because you broke my heart, I’m never having a baby unless it’s with you. So we went Nose to Nose, kissing, this time we kissed until our Big Noses were Crooked to the left side. And we said our goodbyes, some years later, we became friends again, but only friends. I told her I loved her, but she only loved me as a cousin. About 13 years pasted by, She never had a child with any other man, as she kept her promise that she’ll only have a baby with me. Then last year in 2020, she died, and she died childless, I was heartbroken that she died, and that she died hating me because I never gave her a baby, she and I were 1st cousins and we were more then friends and we got into a great big argument and a great big fight about having a baby, and we were in love. But we never had a child, she wanted a baby with me, I robbed her the chance twice in our life’s. Now she has no future, she is dead and she died childless, and I should have died with her. I will someday. I know that in the end, she forgave me for not getting her pregnant, but she kept her promise to never have a child unless it’s with me. Now my future is not that great, my 1st cousin is dead, and I wish to God I gotten her pregnant when she told me to get her pregnant or she’ll never get pregnant unless it’s with me. I’m doomed, I have to live with the consequences of being childless.

May 8, 2021

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