Yikes

So this is gonna take some work to get past, The other day my husband came home from work, He works in an industry where it's 99% men and they are mostly younger guys who are deviants and just don't give a s*** about anyhting, Lots of drinking, lots of drugs and a few times a month someone shows up drunk or high. so he gets home, Sits across the table from me at supper and glares at me, All evening same thing and finally we tuck the kids in (18 month old twins) and then me and him go to bed, I am finally like "Ok, WTF?", he says "I can't even tell you...I have to show you", I am like "Uhhh....Ok", He turns on the tv, Goes to the internet and brings up a pay only p*** site, I look at him and he's like "yeah, just wait", He types in a user name and password which are not his and says "Jay gave me his credentials" and I am like "Oh f***, Jay...I can just imagine" and he says "Oh....I don't think you can".
He types in the search bar (Dirty Regina w****) and hits search, At this point I am thinking some weird things because I am from Regina but none that would make him angry until the videos previews come up and I panic.
My first boyfriend was a complete peice of s***, Drug dealer, abusive, Cheater, You name it he was it but...At 16 I thought I was in love and didn't know any better, At 17 after graduation he moved me to another city so he could further his career drug empire. I was miles from home, Living in a s***** apartment with my abusive boyfriend who was getting me high all the time, He started to bring people home who...Wanted to do some crazy stuff and got into hard drugs, I hit what I consider the low point of my life the night he and two friends basically got me high and forced me to....Yeah.
There was a 6 month period where I gave up and hit bottom and stayed there, He took full advantage of that and apparently there is video evidence I was unaware of.
I had to sit and explain all of this to my husband who I had previously sort of denied any of that stuff happeneing...Sorta...If he asked if I ever did this or that I usually said no and that I wasn't going to, I asked "How many have you watched?", He said "Oh...Only about 5 minutes of one until I was sure it was you" He asked why I lied and told me that Jay had told him he seen the videos and was pretty sure it was me, Had it not been for Jay I don't think my husband would have ever come across these on his own and I didn't even know they still existed but we sat up for hours and talked and I explained how this happened, He almost seemed like he understood but I am not sure.
If you think I didn't wait till he left for work and watched all the videos throught the day you'd be wrong, I watched, I timed it and there is over 4 hours of videos tagged under (Dirty Regina w****) that brought back a lot of old feelings and some stuff I had even blocked out of my mind but I think he watched more than he claimed because he did reference me and (Girl/Girl) which I luckily did not completely deny, He referenced ffm, fmm, fmmm and a full on 0rgy.
I feel like he will never look at me the same and have requested these be taken down but haven't heard back yet.

Jun 3

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