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Still love her.
This happened in college. I was an ** to my first serious girlfriend. She lost her virginity to me and we had ** as often as possible.Sometimes she would start a fight because she LOVED make-up **.
After a couple of years together, I dumped her out of the blue for another girl who turned out to be a cheating, emotionally abusing **. After I got over the **, I realized I still loved my first GF, but she had moved on and would not talk to me (not that I blame her), which was awkward because we had several classes together and worked at the same place after classes.
She eventually married a good guy, while I went crazy, ** anyone who would let me. I didn't feel that much for the women, but I wanted to have ** with them.
I found out years later that GF #1 had cancer and had died at a young age. I felt horrible; I'd never gotten around to telling her how sorry I was for the way I treated her, and now I never will.
I've been married for a good long while now, and while my wife is a lovely person and I care for her, I'm still in love with my old GF. I just wish I could talk to her.
I feel bad about how I treated my first girlfriend. I took her virginity and ** her every chance I got for two months and then I dumped her. Later when she had other boyfriends I would tell them that she wasn't a virgin and I was the one that had ** with her first. Some of them dumped her when they found out that she wasn't a virgin.
Sorry for your lost. It's ashame that you've never gotten a chance to really express yourself, but it's best to look at this as a lesson. I hope your current wife fulfills your anticipation about honing a serious relationship, as much as the first person you were with.
Never play with others emotions, especially in relationships. It'll bite back hard. I hope you now see that.