Backdoor only for me

I have a sexual addiction that has prevented me from having a normal or long term relationship. I cannot enjoy s** with a girl unless a*** s** is involved. traditional vaginal s** only with a girl does not excite me. If I know that is the extent of the sexual encounter I cannot maintain an erection and cannot get off.
I am nearly 30 years old. I am extremely embarrassed to bring this issue up with with any potential sexual partner. I have never been able to find a girl into a*** s** the way I am. When I bring up the issue it pretty much freaks girls out and things end before they start. I am not gay, I have never been with a man and have no attraction to men.
I know exactly when this addiction started. When I was 15 I visited my cousin Nick in California for a week during the summer. My first day there Nick took me to his friends house. Nick kept teasing me saying "you will love this". His name was Billy, he was our age and seemed ok. Nick and Billy kept joking and not letting me in on it. Finally Billy said "com on". I followed him and Nick down the hall. The walked into a bedroom and when I got to the door I was shocked. There was a girl sitting on the bed wearing only a tiny pair of kids wonder woman panties. She was pretty, but skinny and completely flat chested. I learned her name was Anna and she was Billy's 11 year old sister. Billy looked at her and said "are you ready". Anna shook her head to indicate "yes". She laid back, arched her hips up and slid off her wonder woman panties. Billy pulled her to the edge of the bed and began licking her p****. After a few minutes he gave Nick and me each a turn eating her p****. Anna had obviously not been hit hard by puberty. She barely had fuzz growing on her p****. Billy spoke up and said "I'm first". He climbed on the bed, got between her legs and started f****** her. I couldn't believe I was standing there, playing with my d***, watching a guy have s** with his little sister! After he finished he offered me the second turn on her. I was just about to have s** for the first time, looking down at her tiny p**** leaking out her brothers c**. I took my turn and then Nick took his.
Billy and Nick acted like this was completely normal. We went to the living room, had a few sodas and played video games. After a couple of hours Billy asked if we wanted to play with Anna again. Of course it was a quick "yes". Billy yelled for Anna and told her to "get the stuff". Anna walked into the room naked and handed billy a jar of vaseline. Without saying a word Anna got down on her hands and knees with her tiny ass facing Billy. I watched with amazement as Billy scooped some vaseline on his finger and stuck it in Anna's ass. He worked his finger in and out for a minute then rubbed some vaseline on his d***. Billy got behind Anna and started pushing his d*** into her ass. I was so nervous I thought I was going to pass out. Not to mention so excited I nearly pulled my d*** off I was jacking so hard. When Billy finished I was again second. OMG it felt so amazing! Her tiny ass was so tight. I was instantly addicted! During the week I was there we went to Billy's house almost every day and I f***** Anna in her little ass every time!
All through High School I tried to get every girlfriend I had to do a*** s**. Then college and now I am nearly 30. Over the years I have found a couple of girls who would occasionally do a***, but not nearly enough to satisfy me. If I had a girl into it I would never have vaginal s** ever again. I feel so humiliated every time I am with a girl and I cannot perform simply because I am not enjoying her p****.

Jan 8

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