I lied about having cancer to both of my former friends.
I recently posted this confession on another website but, it got taken down. There’s just something that I really need to confess for awhile, but I just never found the right time. Before I say this, I just want everyone reading this to know that I wasn't raised to lie. I always told the truth when it was time. I never lied about anything before and never lied after. I decided to tell my first BIG lie and my last.
Back in high school, I decided to tell 2 of my former friends that I was sick and had cancer. I was very depressed and sad. I did self harm at one point and I didn't want to be alive. I was never sick and at the time, I know that I was being manipulative and selfish. At the time, I just wanted to feel something. I fully understand that what I did was wrong. The sadness and depression that I am dealing with from it is getting worse. I don't know how to deal with the aftermath of the thing I caused.I feel so bad for what I did everyday and I deserve it. I pray for forgiveness many times. I donate to cancer awareness often. I thought that for some reason, tellipng that lie would be better. I haven’t taken money from other people or done anything like that. I didn't post pictures to social media or anything.
I had never told a lie like that so I couldn't handle the guilt. I ended up dropping it for a while. I finally came up with the courage to tell them and I got the reaction I expected. I realized that even one lie like that can really change how a person sees you. I don’t want forgiveness or anything like that. I’m not asking for it. I don’t expect you all to believe me, you don’t have to. But I can honestly tell you that this is the only lie that I ever told. I never did it again because I feel so bad to the point that I don't want to be on this earth. I’ve thought about it and I came to the conclusion that I need to be honest no matter what.
So, I decided that telling them was the best thing to do. I don’t blame them for being upset. All I can say is that it was the one and only time I did that. I feel deep remorse for what I did and I have no excuses. I know that I can't change what I did but, I hope that for people who find out who I really am and/or meet me to please understand that I am not this person anymore. I can say honestly that I have never lied about anything like this before or ever again. I'm not saying that it's okay either. I absolutely hate myself for what I did. I know that karma will come back around someday.