I'm 18. I guess you can say I've been.. depressed.. most of my life. Parents got divorced. No friends. Always getting yelled at. Always having to be the strong one. Never catching a break when everyone else gets what they want.. and the only thing right in my life is my boyfrind of the past 2 and a half years.. I love him with all my heart.. he's my soul mate.. but in the first year I had caught him texting other girls.. in a bad way.. it made me feel even worse about myself, like that even to him I'll never be good enough. I try so hard but come up with bare minimum. I've run out of energy. He hasn't done anything like that in a long time but after everything thats happened to me I feel like I'll always be paranoid about it. I feel so awful about my whole life, I feel like it was all a waste, like I just went wrong somewhere along the way and I can't fix it because my head is too messed up.. I can't ever tell anyone I know, but I still think about killing myself everyday.. I think of how and where to do it, different ways of doing it.. I can't get it out of my head.. if my boyfriend knew he would be devastated.. but I can't shake it.. I feel so useless about everything.. I know everyone says "But your worth it" cause thats what I would say to someone. I feel like I could help people like me, but never help myself.. I try so hard to make everyone around me happy but it just brings me down.. I don't know how I can put up with a life time of just feeling miserable..