I'm 18. I guess you can say I've been.. depressed.. most of my life. Parents got divorced. No friends. Always getting yelled at. Always having to be the strong one. Never catching a break when everyone else gets what they want.. and the only thing right in my life is my boyfrind of the past 2 and a half years.. I love him with all my heart.. he's my soul mate.. but in the first year I had caught him texting other girls.. in a bad way.. it made me feel even worse about myself, like that even to him I'll never be good enough. I try so hard but come up with bare minimum. I've run out of energy. He hasn't done anything like that in a long time but after everything thats happened to me I feel like I'll always be paranoid about it. I feel so awful about my whole life, I feel like it was all a waste, like I just went wrong somewhere along the way and I can't fix it because my head is too messed up.. I can't ever tell anyone I know, but I still think about killing myself everyday.. I think of how and where to do it, different ways of doing it.. I can't get it out of my head.. if my boyfriend knew he would be devastated.. but I can't shake it.. I feel so useless about everything.. I know everyone says "But your worth it" cause thats what I would say to someone. I feel like I could help people like me, but never help myself.. I try so hard to make everyone around me happy but it just brings me down.. I don't know how I can put up with a life time of just feeling miserable..

Nov 3, 2013

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  • I feel your sorrow and pain. You have to stop worrying about everyone else until you take care of you first. Try to talk with a therapist. Someone who is objective and caring. You have as much value as any other person on this planet. Don't allow the sickness of the world make you its victim. We all have value, sometimes we need help in finding our place. Good luck. God bless.

  • I died once and I have never recovered, it was 7 years ago and I still feel to this day I was cheated out of it. It wasn't suicide I was really sick and I resigned to the fact that I was ready to die, then I woke up, I have never spoken to anyone about it until recently. Since then I have had reoccurring flash backs and have these thoughts, sad thing is ever since then I've had nothing but bad luck and things keep going downhill. I fake how I feel to everyone just so no one knows.

    All I say is don't be like me, go do things, work hard to do them and enjoy it, it's not easy and you will have bad days, I'm going through each day hating myself for waiting up each morning. Don't be like me.

  • Hang in there. Its not easy to cope with all of life's problems. You should talk to someone about your feelings though. Its easier than it seems and you can find many people who want to help. Check out this site if you want to talk to someone

    You seem like a really honest and nice person so do something good for yourself this time and talk to someone. Things will get better.

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