Not in a good place mentally

I have some time free now before my exams begin, so I thought I would continue with a course. Well, not exactly free time, there are some events in the college. But someone recently pointed out to me that I am just giving reasons to not attend college. There is a event where I am meant to be, but I am not sure about attending it. Some time ago, I had a golden opportunity to prove something and I messed it up. I embarrassed myself in front of my juniors and my friends. I couldn't even speak in front of 15 people. I was blabbering like a school kid, I was panicking and I screwed up big time. I thought I would just not think about it and that time will fix me. That same someone is really special to me and has been supportive of me whatever I do. I used to express to that special someone everything But, things are different now. I have grown up. And I am ashamed of a lot of things. It's just embarrassing to talk to that person about my embarrassments. So, that special someone can't know the real reason I am not going. Well, its only a part of the reason. I do want to continue with my course. It's been really fun and I have progressed a lot so far now that I am not going to college. Another part of the reason may be that I just really don't want to go. I love being among people and I love when I crack the perfect joke and everyone laughs at it. It's really a great feeling. But, I always hesitate to take the first step to associate with people. For some reasons, my social skills are just, well, as poor as Elon Musk is
rich. I always think that this will change with time. Maybe I am wrong. I don't know.

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