im sad.straight up
if you see me while im out,i look perfectly normal..
juss a normal teenage girl who hangs wit her friends,..
you see me laughing..
you see the smiles on my face...
but what you dont know is that its all fake..
every last bit of it..
if im laughing and smiling..
im either high or faking it for others..
i ont seethe point in bothering my friends with my problems...
i wanna remember being happy again..
i wanna forget about the abuse..the abadonment...the pain..
how does someone let go of something
that affected them so much and made them the person they are today...
how do you move on...
the past keeps creeping up on me....
in the past it was my parents mistakes that fukked everyng up..
now its my mistakes....and my mom keeps fighting with me over stupid s***..
like she doesnt deserve doors slammed in her face..
well guess what mom...
you hurt me..
you chose your drugs and alcohol over your own kids..
the night you left..i crie..hoping you would come back to me..
i defended you..
i wished a man dead for you...
i sat up all night as a 10 year old child..
waiting for something that you never come back...you!
but when u did...i let you back in..
they hated me for that mom..
my family treated me like s*** for 6 years...
i did it all for you..
now all you do is push me away..
sit in your room with your wine and your weed..
i hope that you love that s*** as much as i love you...
bcuz i cant be hurt anymore...
what i cant get over is..you clearly stayed with the man whos son molested me as a child..
who made me listen to him raping you..the fighting..everything
how mom ? how ?
you snort all your money up your nose...
i hope that makes you happy..
i bet your last wish
will be to do a line then to see your own daughter...
fr soo many years,while you were hitting me and calling me a s*** and a b****
i only dreamed of the father that would one day turn to me and say
"(my name), i love you,im sorry"
you only apologized around mom...cuz if you didnt..you wouldnt get laid..funny thing is..you've been divorced for 13 years,since i was 4 and you still chose your ex-wife and your coke over your kids...
and my dear brother,we used to be close...you were my idol..i looked up to you for guidance..
i know you dont understand why i forgave he,but i needed a mom..i also need my brother back..mom and dad love you...your their lil soldier..mom always says how proud she is of you for being in the army...and we are..i juss wish that wasnt the only reason i am proud of you for..i wish i could walk aroun and say" yeah thats my brother,hes the best"
but feel like i barely know you..we lived in the same house for most of our lives and when we moved with dad..you just crossed me off like i was something that you didnt need anymore..it hurt....for 6 years i possibly had maybe uner 5 conversations with you..real conversations without being called a b**** or s**** or fat or ugly...5 conversations man... i miss you...i miss usss
how does one overcome and forgive the people that are suppose to matter the most but hurt you most!!!!!???!!!!????!!!