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So awkward.
Last night my wife and I went to a local fundraiser for a couple struggling with some stuff, We had reserved seating and when we arrived my wife had to go to the washroom, I told her I would meet her at the table and did just that, I sat down and surveyed the room and my mind was just like "**, **, **". So My wife and I were separated for 2 years and then got back together, When we did we sat down and said "Ok, Let's tell each other every person we have been with" since we live in a city of only 20,000 people it was more of a respect thing so the other person wouldn't be caught off guard one day. As awkward as it was we sat down and did it, She said "You first...This is our one chance to be honest with no judgment from the other person and no one can get angry but BE HONEST, If I find out about someone later I will be mad"
Me: Ok, You're not going to be mad?
Her: No, One time and one time only I am not allowed to be mad.
Me: Ok.
Me: Janna.
Her: Eww.
Me: Hey.
Her: Ok, Ok .
Me: Tanis (Gorgeous with huge **).
Her: Lifts eyebrows and says "Ahem...Ok".
Me: Emma (I had a nanny for my week with the kids).
Her: FFS really?, Your nanny?
Me: Jessie (Her long time friend).
Her: Geezus Christ...She's ** married to *****...Ok, Ok Cheating **.
Me: The blonde waitress at ******** (Local bar)
Her: (Shakes her head) At least she's single...I hope.
Me: Melanie (Her cousin).
Her: Ok, For real WTF!!!!
Me: I dated Stacey for 5 months.
Her: Thank Christ.
Me: Ummm....Staceys sister Ange.
Her: Shakes her head.
Me: Lori (Her sister)
Her: Tell me you're kidding.
Me: No, I am sorry about that one.
Her: Ok, Maybe this was a bad idea.
Me: Do you wanna stop?
Her: I want to punch some people in the face but...No.
Her: Wait...There's more?
Me: Shrugs.
Her: Ok, Go on then.
Me: Emma (Nanny) and Ashley (Her best friend).
Her: Why did you say them together?
Me: Shrugs.
Her: Wow.
Me: Lisa off and on (Huge ** chubby, Beautiful blonde).
Her: Did you ** all of my friends?
Me: Shrugs.
Her: Shakes head.
Me: Tammy from work.
Me: Alice from work.
Me: Erica from work.
Her: So...I am never coming into your work again....Wait...Not all at the same time?
Me: No, No, Tammy was just Tammy.
Her: Wow...I...Nevermind.
Me: Ok, That's all...Now you.
Her: David for 8 months.
Me: Ok.
Her: Mark for 7 months.
Me: Ok.
Her: That's it.
Me: Really?
Her: Yup.
Her: Ok, Are you still ** Emma?
Me: Sometimes....And Ashley.
Her: At the same time?
Me: Yes, Usually
Her: Ok, So Emma is fired...Immediately and if I ever see Ashley here I will cut her.
Me: Understood.
So, As I surveyed the room, A solid 80% of the women I had bee with were in that room.
Jessie and her husband, Lori, Lisa, Melanie, Tanis, Alice ad Erica and Stacey with her new man.
My wife came to the table, Sat down, Looked around and started laughing, She said "Oh my gawd, That's ** hilarious", I said "Glad you think so", She said "Oh man, I better not drink tonight or I am gonna punch Lori in the face". Her sister came and sat with us like nothing had happened and after we got home.
Her: Ok, When did you ** Lori?
Me: 3 times last year, June...July and October I think.
Her: and when did you ** Melanie?
Me: August and September.
Her: once each month?
Me: Uhhhh...No...Lots both months.
Her: Ok and Emma.
Me: Off and on the whole time from a wek after we split to last week.
Her: Holt **.
Me: Ya.
Her: Sooo...How many times?
Me: Well....Say twice a week for 22 months...Sometimes 3-4 times a day
Her: Holy ** **** She's like what? 22?.
Me: 24.
Her: oooohhh so sorry.
Me: Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.
We ** and ** and ** and then afterward she said.
Her: Wow, I think maybe I owe some people a thank you not a punch in the face.
Me: (Laughs)
Her: G'night.
Me: G'night.
So we never did fire Emma and my wife told her she knew all about everything, and now we both have ** with Emma, Usually together but my wife told me they have had morning or afternoon hookups while the kids are at school.
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