Why the ** can't I be ** normal

I can't ** love right, I ** fall inlove to quick and either push them away or get myself hurt, I don't know what to ** do anymore, I mean ** sake I was just ** by a guy and then blocked, no after care no nothing, and I finally think I found the right guy and I ** it up by being to forward to quick, why can't I have normal ** emotions or process myself in a normal way, ** this I'm going to get some vodka

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