dream that won't go away

When I was about three years old, I had a dream where I was with my dad (not the best father figure) and he was taking me to his friends house to pick something up. When we walked in there was a bunch of men in the living room drinking and smoking cigs. My dad told me to wait here for a second while he went to get something. After a while a man came in the room, he had medium length brown hair, brown beard, and was drinking beer. The next thing I know, I'm seeing colors of white, the floor and walls turn white. I can't move suddenly either.The man with the beard takes his pants off and holds me down on the couch and sticks his p**** in my mouth. I feel something like water in my mouth and I think he's peeing but it doesn't have the texture of pee, it also was white (c**) I can't breathe and I'm choking while he hurts me. When he's done my dad comes in and I'm crying and screaming and my dad looks at me with a sad face, but doesn't say anything. This dream was so clear and vivid for me as a three year old, and I haven't forgot it since. I'm almost 16 now. I've never told anyone about this dream. But I don't understand how a three year old can have a dream about a b****** when they don't even know there is such things as b******* or let alone s**. I didn't know about b******* or s** until I was like 12, but when i learned what a b****** was it took me right back to when I was 3 years old. Now looking back on this dream I wonder If It wasn't a dream, and did seeing white mean I was drugged some how? Plus how can a three year old have such a sexual, scary dream when they have no knowledge of the situation. I don't want to go to a therapist of ask my parents about this dream. So please tell me what you think happened to me.

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  • I think the best you can do now is to accept that it may have happened in reality, and with that understanding, for the rest of your life be very aware of other children who could be put in the same situation and try to prevent it if possible.

  • I think it actually happened to you. The white-out may have been a survival mechanism to cope as a child.

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