I came on here to see if there were any other confessions from people who have eating disorders. I've been suffering for almost 2 years now, I don't think I've eaten a real meal in that time and not puked. Sometimes I think that i'm going to die it hurts so bad.
Ive tried to stop so many times, ive tried to eat with the intention of keeping it down but then something happens in my mind and i can't seem to let myself keep it down.
I don't think of the future, cause i don't think ill have one, Ive never told anyone before, i'm afraid of people finding out my secret when they look at me, everywhere i go i get judged, people say random comments about how skinny i am and wow how do i stay so skinny and sometimes I just want to say well.. I don't eat anything, ever, and when I do, I puke
Sometimes my body starts tingling all over, i get sore knees, my tounge swells cause i am so dehydrated, I get dizzy and can't concentrate on anything. I can't go to the dentist cause i am scared that they will find out two of my teeth are pretty rotten from puking. also if they look in my throat they might find something also.
The last time that I got my period was August 2008 so i don't take birthcontrol anymore, i have honestly forgot ever having it, I have tampons that i have had since before and i'm afraid that someone will find them and ask why i have so many and they never seem to decrease
Family holidays are painful cause i have to eat and its reallly hard to puk after, i usually make excuses to leave, but if i wait to long after eating without puking it hurts so bad.
Sometimes i puke in jars in my room if I think that people are suspicious of me going to the bathroom too many times, I could puke any time any where, pretty much everytime i go to the bathroom i puke
I am 27 years old, i am 5'5 and weigh 92 lbs. i was down to 86.5 lbs before and pretty much thought i was going to die everyday, do i want to die i don't know