Suffering Scorpio

You were my husband's (then boyfriend's) friend when we met, not mine. Now, though, I wish to God we had never known each other. Wishing this is the only way I can cope with you just disappearing from our lives, from MY life. You were so quick to discard us when you no longer wanted us around. What have we both done to you? God only knows. All we ever tried to do was help you.

Given how you've treated us, and the fact that I don't even know you all that well, how is it that I can still love you so deeply?

When we still saw each other, you and I hardly even talked, really - a joke here, a comment there. I still remember everything about you, though: the pools of light in your dark eyes when they looked innocently into mine; the way you always inhaled deeply, just once, after you'd been speaking for a long time; the way you helped me once when I was in the most dire need and no-one else was there for me... but that was so long ago now. Probably too long.

One day recently, you saw me in a shop - don't deny it: I know you knew it was me - and you acted as though I were invisible. Maybe you don't realise it, but you hurt me beyond belief. I couldn't bear it.

I'm sure I'm nothing to you, but you have always meant something to me. Do you know? Do you care? Again, God only knows. I love you dearly, but I can't and won't be the one to tell you. I won't hurt my spouse by making waves without good reason. Will you ever find out before it's too late? Leave it to God, I guess, like everything else... but I truly do love you. I always have, and I guess part of me is resigned to the fact that I always will, unless someone comes and helps me out of this nice big hole I've dug for myself here.

By the way, if it helps, I forgive you absolutely everything. Please do the same for me, and for God's sake come back, before I go clinically insane.

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