Crush at work

It started off like any of the other innocent crushes I've had during my marriage; she's cute, she seems to think I'm cute, we flirt a little, but there's nothing serious behind it. As I get to know her better, I start to like her more and more, and we become pretty close friends, especially when we start carpooling and having these great conversations in the car. But I love my wife, and my coworker loves her husband, so we're just friends who have a little attraction to each other-- I've been through this before, and it never interferes with my feelings for my wife.

And then she goes and leaves her husband because they just aren't working out anymore. It's like there was this crack I didn't know about in the wall my heart, and all of a sudden it bursts open and my exclusive love for my wife starts gushing out, and feelings for my coworker that have been lurking around outside are suddenly whooshing in. When she hugs me or says something sweet to me, I get butterflies in my stomach around her-- something I haven't felt for any woman since I met my wife over a decade ago. Worse than that, my feelings for my coworker seem to have deadened my romantic and sexual desire for my wife; I still care for my wife deeply, but more like a sister than a lover.

I tell myself this will never go anywhere, because (1) I love my wife too much to hurt her so, (2) my coworker is already seeing a new guy, and (3) I wouldn't have the guts to go through with something like this. But it feels more and more like my coworker and I are heading down the path towards an affair.

The reason I'm confessing this is that I can't tell my coworker, and I can't tell my wife, so I need to get it off my chest. I'm not asking for anybody to tell me what to do, because I know what the right thing to do is. I just needed to tell someone. So thank you so much for reading this and understanding.

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  • Good for you, OP. and the best of luck with you and your wife.

  • Love comes suddenly in a person's life, and attraction to another woman is the most natural thing on earth. That is why staying married is one of life's most difficult acts. Marriage itself slowly kills or lessens that fire that couples once felt when they first met...the passion, romance and great s** all dissapears in the act of living...we all become dull, mundance and repetitive...so the real challenge is actually how we all can evolve into highier beings, capable of deeper and more lasting love for our spouses...the other alternative is to separate and seek happiness elsewhere.

  • Hey, commenter number one, you'll be happy to hear this because you seem to be a cynical b******: it's even better than you predicted; my wife and I got separated and the other lady rejected me anyway.

  • Are you the poster?

  • Yep. Things are better now, though. My wife and I are going to try to fix our relationship, and I quit my job.

  • Thank you to the second person who commented-- you have some great insights and advice (I really did want advice, to be honest). And you're right about it not being my d*** that's in charge. I'm fantasizing about kissing and holding this woman, not having s** with her-- in fact, if it were just a l*** thing it would be MUCH easier for me to get over these feelings.

  • That comment was a disgusting way to put it. If his d*** was in charge he would have already manipulated the situation and used the confusion/vunrability of her marraige ending to just have s** with her. I do like the end of what they said though.
    I have had some similar exp. and there is no easy answers. There are appealing sides to both situations...You already have someone who knows everything about you. What your looks mean, your moods, your family etc. On the other hand your co-worker finds you charming and funny and hasn't heard your stories a million times and probably has that intense look in her eyes..like she is really listening to you when you talk. That is really a great feeling that frankly starts to fade when you have been with someone for a long time. Sometimes it's not worth it though. It sounds like you're more worried about hurting your wife then actually considering going thru with a relationship. I know you don't want advice but take it from a very sensitive woman... If you are considering starting a relationship with this person you should talk to your wife about what's happening. No matter what anyone thinks or says this is your life and you have to do what you have to do even if it means hurting someone...but you at least owe it to her to talk about her.

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