I am scared to die. So much so, I'm afraid it could drive me insane.
You are dealing with a control issue with which most people have to come to terms. For some, they only come to grips with this fear of death when they experience something traumatic like being overpowered by a group of thugs, swept away by a huge current, or something like skydiving. I am going to guess you are very strong willed. It is difficult for a very strong willed person to accept that they cannot control their natural demise. Saddly, some people have such an issue with controlling even death that they attempt suicide. Yes, they try to control their death by planning out their end. Goodluck with experiencing your moment of understanding and I hope that you find the will to let yourself feel hopeless for that one awe inspiring moment.
Being scared of dying is very common. At some point, we all do. But you need to find away to live your life too..and enjoy it. Talk with a therapist about your concerns. What your feeling could also be a symptom of an anxiety disorder.
I suggest trying to talk to someone with a terminal illness. In my experience, people who have terminal illnesses, are often frustrated by their friends/families avoidance of the issue, and would welcome a frank discussion about death, dying, beliefs around it, hopes and fears too.Meditation and spending time in nature, observing the grace with which life and death (usually) occurs.Last but not least, I found Conversations with God (N.D.Walsch) books really helpful. No hellfire and brimstone stuff. Just gentle, loving signposts towards living a good life, and not fearing death.
Accomplish something, or try and make someone's life better. You may find peace that way, or find the spark of god in you.
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