I starve myself..

I weigh 106. I'm a 15 year old girl. 5"4'. I honestly HATE my weight... so so much. I feel so guilty after I eat or drink anything except water. I do eat, sometimes, but I'm constantly checking the calories and stuff... I got up to 110 lbs two weeks ago, and cried and ugh. I want to be 90 lbs like I was last year. It hurts... NOBODY knows what i'm going through. I have to hide it as best as possible. And like... i'll go on eating binges. I'll eat ALOT one day and then not eat anything but crackers and water the next few days. But it's getting so hard. I want to eat. I don't want fat. I want this hungry feeling to go away. I'm thinking about making myself throw up again... it's so much easier than to starve. because it hurts.... please help.

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  • Your skinny.... After months in rehab I learned if you dont eat you loose everything. Dont worry! Your beautiful the way you are, skinny! I know what you are going through, here is a really good reheb place if you feel like you need more help. Dont die because your self image! Here is the website,
    http://www.renfrewcenter.com/

    Just vist this website just when your bored one day! Dont put your self down!

  • You need to get help and develop a healthy body image. But you're going to kill yourself if you don't eat. Your body and brain needs food to function. Learn proper eating, nutrition and exercise habits. Go speak with someone today. Regardless of your size, you need to figure out why you are so unhappy. Disregard the numbers on a scale and numbers on your pair of pants it's all subjective. It's how you feel about yourself. No one is perfect. But 90 lbs..is not healthy. You have nothing, if you don't have your health. Get help today. Go and speak with someone.

  • I was in your shoes. It becomes an obsession, and I know what it's like to feel like if you eat, you are damaging any attempts you've made to be thin. I also know how it feels to snap and eat everything in sight (I was doing 6000 calorie binges in a couple of hours). But that's not how your body works. By binging after not eating, you're throwing your system into a huge shock, besides the physical pain you experience in your stomach and digestive tract. By not eating, you are depriving your body of the nutrients it needs (vitamins, minerals, protein, carbs, and yes fat, which your organs need to work) to be healthy and maintain a healthy-LOOKING, FIT, SEXY body. Your body is in starvation mode now. And when your body is deprived, your mind is too - which can lead to mental illness and make you feel worse. PLEASE consider talking to your doctor about your feelings. You don't have to feel this way forever. You can experience living without feeling tortured. And please realize that you are NOT alone. Even though you feel no one understands you, there are many people out there who experience the same things you do every day.

  • I wonder if you would consider the fact that you don't actually have an eating disorder. It may be that you are trying to figure out where you "fit in" in the world, and are simply trying new things. I might be inclined to say that you have gotten some some well needed attention for this behavior, and that is why you continue to do what you do. Sometimes people do things that are the opposite of what they mean to do.

    The best question I can ask is: What is the goal of this behavior? To punish your self? Your parents? To try to fit in?
    Sometimes when people feel they don't belong, they display common (or uncommon) behaviors. An example of a common behavior is someone who always follows the rules (they may not know who they are but at least they know who they are not.) I suspect this is a phase, and you will work it out!!

  • I agree, 106, 110 even 120 on a 5'4" frame is certainly not fat... on the other hand, 90 is dangerously skinny. Why not eat as much as you want and then burn off excess calories through execercise (not obessive, over-exercise though!)? Your being healthy rather than obsessing over your weight should be your source of pride.

  • You are not fat! What are you talking?

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