I Miss Him.

Alright... so my boyfriend broke up with me because he decided he still loved his ex last Sunday,. This would be the third time hes gone out with her. He broke up with me when I first started going out with him, because she said she wanted him back when she was really just jealous. I understood, I was hurt but I understood, because he had gone out with her for two years previous to that. They had broken up a few months before I met him and began dating him. They were with each other for a week, and then he broke up with her because he realized that she had changed and had become full of herself. In the last few weeks of our relationship, our communication with each other had grown weak. And we grew a little distant. I found I couldn't be myself around him, I had trouble talking to him. I felt like he didn't want me anymore. It hurt because I'd look for any little sign from him if he still loved me, even just him being the one leaning down to kiss me made me happy, or a hug, or a little rub on the shoulder. I feel like because of our disconnection everything became fragile between us, and then it finally shattered when he decided he loved his ex the most.

I love him so much, even if he may have only loved me for half of the time I was with him.... we had the best memories. I feel like in a way I brought us down in the end, maybe I should have just told him I was concerned about us and should have tried to work it out while I still could. I want him back, but I'm not going to try to get him back. I'm just talking to him a little over facebook and through texting. I want to still be his friend, even if I can't go up and talk to him in public because I'm too nervous. I miss him a lot, everywhere I look I think of him. When I see him and his ex together, I always feel so much pain. I wish he missed me back, but I don't think he does.

He said he felt kind of bad for breaking up with me. He said the times we had together were amazing.
He said he loved her.
He said he didn't love me.

I think he was probably talking to her in the end... he said he would never do this to me again. He just wants himself to be happy. He does look really happy with her. Like when I was with him and things were amazing in the beginning. I'm just sticking around to be there for him in the end.

I think they'll break up quickly...
But they look so happy with each other. Do most relationships work out a third time? I don't know. I want to say no... there is no one else I'd rather be with than him. In the last few days we were together I asked if he was mine, and he said "Yes, who else's would I be?" And I whispered "Hers." We were getting better... but because of her it ended. I knew he wanted her even though he hid it. And if they ever do break up, and he happens to want me again... which he may not... I wouldn't be able to trust him. Not after the second time hes left me...

I love him and I miss him. He makes me happy, but maybe I didn't make him happy enough. I want him back, but I have no hope or trust left for him. I'm just trying to get him out of my head and feel better, but his memory won't leave even though after it being a week since we were together hes more of a ghost each day. I've felt like his ex has been trying to get him back ever since I got with him, even though she was the one who broke up with him and dated other guys afterwards.

Will this be their last time together? Since he no longer loves me he would have no reason to leave her except because he hated her again or something... I just don't know. Things feel strange. I'm so sad. I'm just trying to not think about it by being with friends.

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