It's Valentines Day. I didn't get to see my girlfriend and I think she had an awful day. All I can do is imagine her sitting on her bed crying but I know she'd never tell me exactly how distraught she is. I really feel like crying too because my day was pretty s***** (partly because I feel like I made her day s***). Every day of the last month or so I've contemplated suicide. All I can do to keep going is drink my liquor, chain smoke and lay here in the dark with some music playing in the background. I feel worthless and my girlfriend feels worthless because of me. I hate my life.