Wasting My Time

He says he loves me, but I know he's lying. He says he would marry me if he could, but that's just not true. I think about him every hour of every day. I can't get him out of my mind. I'm obsessed. I try not to let on that I'm constantly online waiting for him to come online to chat with me. I'm on his facebook page for hours every day, but I don't send messages very often because I don't want to seem like a crazy stalker. I read back over our Skype chats over and over. I've been planning this big Eurotrip for the two of us, mostly with my own money. He's like a drug to me.

When we actually do talk, he's so romantic. He always knows exactly what to say. He makes me feel loved, and like the most beautiful woman in the world. He makes me feel like he would do anything for me. I get high off him.

But then he won't show up when we agree to meet. He'll go weeks without contacting me, never responding to emails, never answering when I say hi on chat, never calling. I left a quick message on his facebook wall yesterday, just asking him to call me. This morning, I saw that he had erased the message.

I've confronted him before about his seeming avoidance of me, and there's always some lame excuse. He didn't pay his internet bill so he lost his connection. He was stranded out of town for two weeks. He's having emotional issues with his family. He hasn't found a moment to speak to me alone. etc etc etc.

I wish he'd just come out and say it. I wish he'd say that he wasn't in love, that he just liked the attention or was in it for the s**. I wish he'd stop telling me he's going to call. I wish he'd just set me free.

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