I'm a fake
I feel like because people know I am gay I must be gay. I have thought about girls and what it would be like, but I'm afraid of trying anything because what would people think of me? I just want to cry and cry and cry until I can't anymore I need someone to talk to so bad I feel like I can't go on much longer but then I hear a video or something of "it gets better" and I try to believe it. Everyday before school I smile, a fake smile but its still a smile... I'm just ready to be me!!!!!! I am so tired of trying to be who everyone wants me to be. I just want to go to the beach and lay there under the stars all night forever. Sometimes I wish today was my last day. When I'm in my car with my mom, I hope we will crash and I will die but she will live. When I'm by a train I think about just falling in front of it as it goes by and then i picture my mom who works with trains getting the call that it was me that died... I'm just tired of being here somewhere it has to be better... i wan to go to that somewhere!