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Heavy
I'm 17 years old and I'm overweight. I'm 5'5" and I weight 203 pounds. I feel so ugly and disgusted right now. I dont know what to do. In a way I'm happy with my life. I have a lot of good friends, a good athletic boyfriend that loves me this way, I get good grades and its going to be my senior year of high school. Sometimes I dont feel like its a big deal but I HATE how sometimes after I eat a couple of chips I feel.. sick. I feel bad about myself how I'm already pushing my weight ** and hear I am again eating my life again.Sometimes I wish I had the power to just throw it up but for some reason I cant. other times I feel scared. I'm scared I'll get diabetes just like my father, grandmother, aunt, and possibly my mother. It scares me. I dont know what to do. Ive always tried to lose weight and all this ** but It never works. Sometimes I stop and think yes I have a happy life but what I'm doing to my body is not right. A couple of hours ago I did some research and I thought how good it would be if i started actually trying to lose weight and get healthy. Some people think that perhaps aiming to lose 1 or 1.5 pounds per week is a pretty realistic goal. I want to do it but I just dont know if i have the power to. Plus school is about to start in a week and I need to re take my ACT/SAT test, get my gpa up so that I can try to be in the top 15% of my class since right now I'm in the top 25%, and I need to start applying for scholarships. It just all seems to much. At the same time I think I'm just using all of this as an excuse so I wont try it. I guess I'm scared of failing again like all those other times. I cant even go to a gym and work out because of my parents crazy work schedule. Maybe their are some stuff I could do around the house to get SOME exercise and since my father has diabetes maybe I could try eating the healthy foods he eats but agh I just dont know! plus what kind of excersises would i do.. sit ups pushups? I dont know. I dont want to be skinny. I want to love my body. I want to smile when my boyfriend holds me and tells me I'm gorgeous. I want to be excited when I go prom dress shopping and not think about how fat I'll look. :( No one knows how bad I feel about this except my best friend. I usually tell people how much I love life and how theirs beauty in everyone. They seem me as a happy person but I dont think I am. Not a day goes by that I dont look at myself and get scared of whats going to happen to me...... I need to lose weight. I need to get healthy but..... I just dont know if i can.
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