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Why Can't I Just Die
I sometimes wonder why people die accidental deaths all the time and I try to die and I can't even accomplish that. My very existence is for serving others. There is not a second that goes by that I don't think of how to make other people happy. I pretend to be happy when I am really not and even though I am crumbling inside I have to put on a brave face because if I don't I am serving my purpose. Sometimes I believe I was put on this earth so that everyone else achieved happiness at my own expense.
I just wish I had a good insurance policy so that I could commit suicide and let my family be taken care of and not have to look at me.
I'm not sure where your from, but over here in the UK life insurance policies don't pay out in case's of suicide, you sound like you need help, I've been there I've tried to kill myself twice, I know how it feels. everyday its like "whats the point?, why don't I just slash my wrists, just end it?"
everyday it's trying to find a reason to live. I know how my life will end, alone with a shape knife and a pool of blood, I don't know when, but I know it'll happen.