I don't understand him. Two years ago, I thought he was so different from me, and then we ended up in the same class. We talked a lot and I figured out that there was something else behind those sarcastic remarks and that cocky attitude. He began smiling and it irritates me until today. I never saw him smile before, at least not like that. The conversations we have are not idle chit- chat, we actually talk about what's important to us, who is important to us.

Then he began talking about death. He said he sometimes has an impulse to do something life-threathening, just for the ** of it. I asked why, and he asked back for what he should actually live for. Who would miss him? Even though he is only a friend, that broke my heart. I told him that I would. I told him not to commit suicide, many others would too. He's actually a popular guy.

And now, one year later, I've figured it out. He feels like me, lonely. And I could cry when thinking of him because I'm afraid for him. I want to tell him, like I tell him everything usually, but I can't. I don't want to cry infront of him because I would fall apart. I have so many friends, yet none of them seems to know me the way he does.

He knows I am confident and desperate at the same time. He says I walk through life with a smile, and I don't have the heart to tell him that there is no other way to survive. He says he is like me. I wonder if that's true.

Sep 11, 2011

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  • tell him <3

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