Please help? Advice welcomed.
I know this is going to sound terrible for some people, but I think might have some inclination or interest in sappho things. I can't even say it. My entire family is not so much religious, but that type of stuff is unheard of. I have had one serious heterosexual relationships in the past. That one lasted about 4 years. And I have NEVER EVER!!! fancy any of my friends. I guess it all made since when I started watching the L word. That happened when I was still in the relationship. Before that I only knew that I wasn't as attracted to male genitalia or the male physic as much as my friends were. I always attributed this to the belief that I am more interested in a man's personality and intellect, than anything else.
In the past I've have not felt a POWERFUL physical connection with the opposite s** or vice versa. The interesting thing is that I did have s** with my ex and it was somewhat normal (I suppose). And, although in the beginning the mere physical act of it was enjoyable, (the same way if one gets tickle by a feather, it doesn't really matter the feather, but what it provokes), that's the way I saw my s** life with him. Sure we had problems but never did I fancy or cheated even with my mind on him. Well that is until I saw the L word (but only with a quick drift of the mind). As time passed my sentiments for him change due to all the problems we had (I attributed that to our strong differences in beliefs and in basically in everything else.) That started to affect our bedroom, since I desired him less and less each day. Then I saw that L show. Even the mere thought of watching such female behavior was uncomfortable to watch at first. But simultaneously and strangely enough our s** life went up. I became an animal as soon as he walked in the door I would sometimes jump him. He was very happy about that and somewhat exhausted at times. Yet, neither I nor him, had gotten a clue of my unaware sappho inclination. So am I gay? I feel as I did love him, otherwise I couldn't have physically been involved with him. I loved him at that time, but to be honest I can't imagine myself being physically intimate with any man again (even with him). Also the idea of going down on a girl is something I don't quite fancy right now. So am I an unaware/confuse (les....) or maybe an asexual? Please help, all sincere and grown up responses are welcome.