Out of control
I just ate a family size chips, a large piece of battered fish, two potato cakes, two cinnamon donuts, two jam donuts, a mini tiramisu, a hot buttered roll, two packets of instant noodles with cheese, and two bars of chocolate.
I'll vomit it all up again in a couple of minutes once I've drank enough water. My stomach is grotesquely distended. I'm a law masters student in the best university in the country, I have many wonderful friends, I'm a published writer and am attractive- but I absolutely despise myself and I can't stop this. Day four in a row now of revolting, expensive binges; have been going since I was 14. I'm 25 now. I have spent thousands of dollars on food I vomit up. I have thrown up dinners cooked by loved ones in their toilets, have used the bathrooms in cafes while boyfriends wait at the register.
I turn on fans and play music to cover the sounds from my housemates. I steal their food. I spray perfume in the toilets.
I am terrified this is my brain and this is my life; that I'm stuck with this selfish, wasteful, revolting impulse. I disgust myself and I can't stop.