Out of control

I just ate a family size chips, a large piece of battered fish, two potato cakes, two cinnamon donuts, two jam donuts, a mini tiramisu, a hot buttered roll, two packets of instant noodles with cheese, and two bars of chocolate.

I'll vomit it all up again in a couple of minutes once I've drank enough water. My stomach is grotesquely distended. I'm a law masters student in the best university in the country, I have many wonderful friends, I'm a published writer and am attractive- but I absolutely despise myself and I can't stop this. Day four in a row now of revolting, expensive binges; have been going since I was 14. I'm 25 now. I have spent thousands of dollars on food I vomit up. I have thrown up dinners cooked by loved ones in their toilets, have used the bathrooms in cafes while boyfriends wait at the register.

I turn on fans and play music to cover the sounds from my housemates. I steal their food. I spray perfume in the toilets.

I am terrified this is my brain and this is my life; that I'm stuck with this selfish, wasteful, revolting impulse. I disgust myself and I can't stop.

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  • ur probably beautiful & just don't know it. it's a shame.

  • You need to see a professional who deals with this sort of thing. It's good that you came here and you've acknowledged that you have a problem. Now you need to find ways to fix it so you no longer have to live with it.

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