Out of control

I just ate a family size chips, a large piece of battered fish, two potato cakes, two cinnamon donuts, two jam donuts, a mini tiramisu, a hot buttered roll, two packets of instant noodles with cheese, and two bars of chocolate.

I'll vomit it all up again in a couple of minutes once I've drank enough water. My stomach is grotesquely distended. I'm a law masters student in the best university in the country, I have many wonderful friends, I'm a published writer and am attractive- but I absolutely despise myself and I can't stop this. Day four in a row now of revolting, expensive binges; have been going since I was 14. I'm 25 now. I have spent thousands of dollars on food I vomit up. I have thrown up dinners cooked by loved ones in their toilets, have used the bathrooms in cafes while boyfriends wait at the register.

I turn on fans and play music to cover the sounds from my housemates. I steal their food. I spray perfume in the toilets.

I am terrified this is my brain and this is my life; that I'm stuck with this selfish, wasteful, revolting impulse. I disgust myself and I can't stop.

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  • What a selfish c***, you steal food and then barf it back up? Yeah, you should be disgusted with yourself. Especially since you seem so frantic to cover it all up with "but but but I'm a WINNER!!" horseshit.

    You are a big reason why American society is so cancerous. Try to take pride in that before you die, which will probably come from a full-body fracture after tripping over a blade of grass if you've been doing this crap long enough.

  • ur probably beautiful & just don't know it. it's a shame.

  • You need to see a professional who deals with this sort of thing. It's good that you came here and you've acknowledged that you have a problem. Now you need to find ways to fix it so you no longer have to live with it.

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