My boyfriend an I have been together now for 4 years now. We have a little girl thats a year an a half old an I have a son from a previous relationship that's 8. He's great to all of us. He's literally my everything. I'm so open and honest about everything with him. About three weeks ago I was snooping through his phone on his Facebook (which I know was wrong in the first place) and I came upon a message from another women asking him if he wanted to be a part of her life or not? Immediately I confronted him an he told me that this women called him about a month prior stating she had a daughter to him 5 years ago an she wanted to know if he wanted to be a part of her life. I am so devastated. I know this happened before our relationship began but I am having a hard time dealing with the thought of this. He told me that he's decided to not want to be a part of her life because she knows another man as her father her whole life. But I have so many mixed feelings. I've confronted my boyfriend all of my feelings an it's pretty much he just ignores the whole thing like it's not a big deal but it is a big deal to me. I know i will always fear us running into this women an the daughter. I feel like it's going to happen one day. I want as much advice as I can please. Thank you.

Mar 5, 2012

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  • He accepted your child from a previous relationship..?he took on the responsibilities too..?so why are u fretting so much about something he jus found out too..?have u asked how he feels with it..?if its hard for u think how hard it is for hin...stop being so selfish

  • He had the chance to be with the other woman five-plus years ago, took it, and broke it off. She couldn't even bother herself to tell him he'd fathered a child with her, and didn't care about him or the child enough to allow the one to be with the other: that's her fault, not your guy's. He's been with you four years now, has a child with you that he apparently loves and treats well (along with your child, with whom he has no connection other than through you), and he apparently loves and treats you well. It seems to me that he's made a choice, and the choice he's made is the one that favors you and your family the most. Unlike women, men generally don't fret over or second-guess decisions they've already made, so don't interpret his treating this as "no big deal" as a lack of caring: he's made the difficult choice and now he's focused on you and your children. That's what he wants, and it's what you should want. And don't worry about meeting that other woman and daughter out somewhere; your guy isn't going to suddenly develop feelings for her now, after having had TWO chances to be in her life and rejecting both: that only happens in reeeeeeeally bad Lifetime movies. You're worrying over nothing. Let him love you. And your children.

  • I agree he should be a part of this boy's life, regardless of how uncomfortable the situation will be at first.

    The other problem is you. Are you going to hold it against him that he got another woman pregnant before he was with you? He didn't even know, apparently.

    You need to decide if you truly love the guy and can give him your love without hanging this over his head constantly.

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