It's either me, or them

Sometimes I'll pray asking God to either take me away and bring me back home, or to bring my parents back home. I just can't stand living with them any more. Day in and day out I get screamed at, called worthless, told how much they don't love me, and get called the worst things imaginable. I know words are just words, but try living this way for 17 years. Last year I considered suicide. My parents found out from a pastor who was concerned. Instead of trying to help me my mom laughed; and then called me a psychotic, sociopathic, b****. When I lost weight my mom started calling me f***** and laughed hysterically at me whenever I would eat any food saying what a pig I am. If it was healthy she would make a snide comment about how a salad wasn't going to help me. She also would tell everyone my "weight". She claimed I was well over 200 when really I'm about 150 and she's about 70 pounds more than me. A guy from work started giving me rides home, and I really like him. We've gone out a few times. Instead of my parents being happy for me finding a great guy, they always ask what lies I told him to get a guy like him to be with me. They also claim he must be a drug addict and constantly stoned in order to put up with my face. Many times I've been hit and slammed into walls or grabbed by the neck of my shirt for no reason. My step-dad has even spit on me. Later when the bruises show up if I say it's from them they call me a liar and say they'd never hit me. If I say I fell, they blame it on the guy I've been with. He would never do something like this though. My step-dad's also a cop and said the next time he finds a bruise he's reporting the guy and taking him to court. It doesn't help that they dislike him...alot. He knows all about the damage they've done to me, and because of that whenever he's around my parents he usually doesn't say much. He has a bit of a mouth on him and doesn't want to get started saying stuff he shouldn't be. I'm terrified that if my step-dad actually takes him to court for something he didn't do that his future would be ruined. I'm also afraid that he'll leave me right away since I'm not worth the trouble.

I feel like they're ruining my life. Last night my mom even said she's kicking me out the day I turn 18. I'm fine with this since I don't plan on staying anyway, but when I said I was fine with that my mom started saying how heartless I am. Everyone else always says I'm the sweetest person they know. It's a constant internal struggle with them. Honestly I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. I still have an entire year, and it gets worse by the week. If God ever answers one prayer, I hope it's this one.

Mar 17, 2012

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  • I know what growing up in this kind of household does to you. You are abused, neglected, ridiculed no matter what you do or don't. The only person in your corner is a coworker you like, and he can't or won't do anything about your situation.

    If you're white, good f****** luck getting anyone to care, now or ever. The nonwhites don't want to hear about it and your fellow whites are in denial. Let them stay stuck in their fixation on skin color, some of us know what -real- personal problems are like.

  • I don't know what country you're from, but in my country we're legally allowed to move out of the house as soon as we turn 16 and have a job to pay for whatever we need. Maybe you could crash with a friend for a while? My best friend gets the same treatment that you do, and he's only 15. But his 16th is in October, and from then on, he's out of the house and with our 19 year old friend. It's good to know he has a back-up plan, and his mum is none-the-wiser. My parents have even considered adopting him.

  • Remember how much of a better person you are than your parents. Stay strong. One day you will leave them behind and never turn back. Hold on to that <3

  • i want you to know that i am praying for you. and praying that your mom and stepdad see how wonderful you are.

  • I have to see a theraphist because of her ways of unillegally knocking me down as a person and my theraphist he even said that I can't make her words big. By getting hurt you are giving thhem much to high of an opinion, like I was. No, becoming hurt only gives her more power than the parental one that she abuses. All of a sudden after years of hating myyself and lowering myself and thinking that i was an a unworthy person, my theraphist tells me that he found that my mother is jealouse of me. She feels smaller than me, and takes out her insecurities on me--just like your parents are doing hun. Don't tell them that, though. Let them talk and build back your confidence from the innside. I'm at a stage where my mom can tell me I'm never going to be happy in life, and I can look at her and nod because I know that she is one miserable woman to tell a teenaged kid that and know I'll be happier than she'll ever be. You need to know that, too. People make others small only when they feel small. Good luck to you; believing in yourself is what gets them, trust me.

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