Five years and I still think about him

We met in 2008; I was 12, almost 13. We had a week with each other because of our part time, summer job and it was lovely. On the last day my brother mentioned my age and he was so surprised. He was only 15, but probably thought I was his age. I don't know why, but I felt so empty when I returned home and went back to school. Some nights I cried over him, I was so pathetic. We didn't date, nothing special had happened, I just missed what I could have had. I liked him and he liked me but nothing special. In about January or February I finally thought I was over him. I'll never forget that feeling I got when I saw him in the mall.
He talked to my brother and my father, while I couldn't even look at him.
I went back in 2009, different shift. I still saw him every once in awhile around the grounds. I longed for one word with him but we never spoke. I left, completely torn up about him. I cried again over him.
In 2010, I was ready. I brought my best friend. He had a different job, but he still was around. I remembered the exact words he said to me, joking and friendly. They meant the world to me. I cherished every smile he would send my way. Oh how beautiful he was when he smiled. I remember being across a long stretch of pavement from each other. We locked eyes and both pulled our eyes away at the same time.
I had a crush on his younger brother, since I wasn't able to see him as much and I actually talked to his brother. When I left, the only person I could think of was him and I forgot about his little brother as quickly as I started to like him.
Then 2011. My friend and I came back. He had a completely different job again. For the first few days, I knew he was working but I believed I wouldn't see him. I stopped to tie my shoes and glanced up and made eye contact with him. I had been walking past him the entire time. I loved when he would smile at me. But he never talked, we didn't have the chance. On the last day, after much convincing from my friend, I walked up to him. All I could manage was "Do you have the time?". One year later; I still remember the time. 1:34.

I started this year, talking to him on the phone. I was dared to prank him after we looked up his number on the internet. He didn't know it was me, he thought I was his friend Rachel. I've done some crazy, stalkerish things that I'm ashamed of. Including creating a fake Facebook and chatting him up last year, somehow mentioning my real self. He moved on a long time ago, he has had a few girlfriends since then. I went on his Facebook last week and found he was finally single again.

I still sometimes drive by his house. I drive around the place where we met every once in awhile. But I'm done. I'm finally done. I'm not coming back this year. I'm so proud of myself.

But I still miss him sometimes.

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  • I think that you were more in love with the fantasy of him rather than the person himself. It is easy to make an image in your own mind because you know what you want and all you have to do is apply it to a cute guy. Considering you never had any talking hardly I think you just have a need for someone to love you. I am going through a similar problem but my guy is my best friend and we still are just best friends… It sucks, you just have to force other priorities to come first and eventually they will fade away. for me though it doesnt because i see him every day… Im stuck too haha :(

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