A lingering problem...
I have had a very strong urge to m********* (which I have indulged regularly) since I was 16 years old. I am now 22, and live on a Christian Community, trying to determine God's calling on my life.
I feel very strongly that this urge and sinful nature is really getting in the way of my relationship with God, my Creator and my Father. It is a hidden sin, but one whose roots go very deep, and whose influences spread far throughout my life.
I feel absolutely wretched. I just want to throw my hands into the sky and cry - my life seems to make no sense at all! All people see on the outside is this conscientious, hard-working and Christian guy with a calling to the priesthood, when underneath I'm this seething mass of hormones and sin!
I know that God hates sin, but sent His son, Jesus Christ to save us all from our sinful nature. I have tried (with some success) to stop - I managed just over 30 days before I failed, although after that, I have not been able to mount anything like a resurgence, and seem to fall into the trap of sin now more than ever!
I WANT to give this up - I NEED to give it up. Not just for my sake, but for the sake of my relationship and journey with God, I need to stop giving in to this, and start focusing my life on God.