I can't even succeed at dying

Last week I tried to kill myself. One day I took around 60 pills: strong painkillers and blood-pressure pills... It should have worked, but when nothing more than a head ache happened I took 50 more. I am still alive, and now I feel stupid, thinking over and over again what went wrong.

The worst thing is that I thought I had my suicidal tendencies under control. My huge phobia of pain prevented me from ever trying anything (even though the thoughts were there for years now), and it's still working, because I can't try anything else.

I should feel happy that nothing happened. But now that I slipped it's hard to get back to the mindset I had before. I am obsessed with the possibility of dying and I don't know how much it's going to take to get over my fear of pain.

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  • This is so fake.

    If that was real, you wouldn't be on this crappy site sharing your story.

  • this site was on the first google page, and it allowed me to post anonymus... I didn't care whether it's crappy or not, I just needed to vent..

  • i also thought about it, thought death will put everything to an end. end this unhappy life. but there are some people who care about you. i don't want to do that to them. i still think about it almost everyday, but i know i won't do it.

  • try EFT tapping ....google it

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