I have been addicted to pain meds percocet mostly for almost 2 years now. I used to have a happy life and nice things and spend time with my family. But now everyday from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed (if I even sleep at all) is consumed with how I will find more pills and the money to buy them when i run out. I no longer enjoy anything in life. I have been married for 12 years and my husband takes them too the worst part is that I seperated from him and moved out because he was addicted and wouldn't quit.
He finally did quit when I moved out and now I am the biggest hypocrite ever because he started taking them again because he found mine. I have lost all my money, all of my bills are over do. I have had my phone shut off too many times to remember and I get a shut off notice for my power bill because I can never pay the whole thing. I do have a full time job but after I pay rent all of my money goes to pills. When you are buying off the street just one good high cost around 30 bucks and that only last a hour. I get meds from my Dr because I do have pain but I always run out a couple days after I fill my script. I always promise myself that I won't go and spend all my paycheck on bills but its like I have no control. When I don't have meds the withdraws are so bad I want to die. I can't sleep, eat, laydown, sitdown,
every inch of your body is on fire... so I go and buy pills with money I should be using to pay my bills.
I've lost almost everything. I've sold everything of value that I can sell- other then my car because I do still have my job. My husabnd and I do see each other everyday now even though I moved out. All that out relationship is, is taking the pills then fighting with when we are going through withdrawl. He has a lot of anger issues and I feel very guilty because he probably wouldn't of started again if I hadn't of started taking them for pain then got addicted myself. I'm 31 years old and I have nothing to show for it. I wanted to have kids. I want to be a nurse. I wanted so much out of life and I've gone no where.
I love my family so much but none of them know what I'm going through and I could never tell them so I just don't go around them very much. I miss my mom the most we used to be so close and now we hardly speak. I have nothing really to live for anymore. I have no fight in my left. Everyday is a battle and I don't want to keep living a life where there nothing to really live for. I've fallen to my knees and prayed but everytime I go right back to taking the pills. I feel like the darkness has taken over and I can't find hope anywhere I look. I feel like no one could ever understand the pain and pure terror I feel because I don't know the person I have become. I used to be so happy and loved life and now I hate myself
and the life I have made for myself. I don't know what to do but I do know that I can't go like this much longer