I killed my dog

I had a dog for 2 years, adopted him from the animal shelter when he was 6 weeks, stayed with us for 2 years and 3 months , i loved him tp pieces but he was just so unstable, for the last one year we've had plenty of incidents because of his fear aggression, he was so aggressive towards strangers, he would lunge and try n bite, bit my nephew and 2 guards, whenever we had guests we made sure he was outside and locked, anyway 2 weeks ago he dislocated my mom's shoulder while on a walk, he tried to lunge at someone, children are never safe from him.. anyway i brought him many trainers along 2 years and we worked really hard with him but we never achieved anything, he was the same dog but more controlled on a leash.. we lived with my parents in a house with a beautiful garden and a swimming pool where he dips and swims..go for an hour and half walk each day , he had a good life with plenty of love n treats :)
now the problem started almost 2 months ago, when he started attacking us when we would try n stop him from attacking other people, he bit me and my mom, i had to weigh my options and since also am getting married .. now
1. i couldn't take him with me cuz the only place i can keep him is on the roof to my aprtment and he would be locked up in a cage and no body to take care of him since i work at a hospital and he'll be alone most of the day and night and even the walks won't be made each day and that's not the life i wanted for him
2. can't keep him for long at my parents cuz he is such a big dog and my mom is afraid of him and won't take him on walks alone anymore
3. we have a house hold with maids and gardner and buttler, they were all raised with the dog and we are about to change them and we have trouble with him and people so if the person coming to work is afraid of dogs we can't hire them and that made quite a delima since we live in a country where being afraid of dogs is the norm. and we had to change three cooks till we found one who would accept my dog
4. if i gave him away he would be mistreated for his aggressivenss and maybe abused or left tied up or locked .. and not treated like the king he is here and that's a life i wouldn't want or him or left in a farm tied up somewhere and left.. .. since in our country this is how they treat dogs
5. if i gave him back to the shelter he would be left in a cage with other dogs and not adopted since he is such a big dog ( wieghs 38 kg ) and because of his aggressiveness he won't be adopted.. and i won't want him to spend his life in a cage ...
6. i can't just let him roam free because he was such a liabilty on people
now i don;t know what possessed me in the lst couple of days and i loved him so much to give him away and i can't keep him and i wanted him to only experience the life he had here and not anything else, i don't know why i came up with the idea of euthanising him .... it was my only option as i thought he would die only knowing the love he had here and not knowing anything else, again i don't know what possessed me .. so i gave him medications ( ketamine) which they use for minor procedures in which he would be sedated and he couldn't breath normally and i suffocated him and he died in my arms ... after he died i realsied what a terrible idea it was and what a monster i am .. i am crying non stop and can't forgive myself and am begging for his forgivenss.. i don;t know what made tha sound like a good idea at the time ... i was demonically possessed :( i wish i can turn back time but i can't and now i have to live with the bad choice i took, i wish i can take it back and am beggining for him to forgive me but i thought it was the best choice for eveyrone and for him .. i can't explain it but i loved him so much to have him live a different life with no love .. i was selfish and cruel.. i don't want your sympathy cuz i know i don't deserve it ... it was a terrible terrible choice and i can't take it back and i regret it .. i can't live with myself ... i only ask god for forgivness and ask my dog for forgivness because he trusted me and loved me more than anything and i couldn't return that love fully.. i loved him and did this out of enormous love cuz i didn't want him to suffer ... i wanted him to die with the notion of love.. do u think he'll ever forgive me for my stupid stupid decision ... i don't know how i could do it .. i am so sorry so sorry but can't do anything about it now , just pray for forgivness

3 Comments

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  • I am so sorrey you had to kill your dog, I feel your pain :(

  • Dang that dog needed to die

  • What you did was right.

    If your dog bites people animal control will put them down.

    Just be thankful he didn't seriously injure someone, like a child.

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